


It's all gonna be okay

by Furuba_Fangirl



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Angst, Dating, Depression, Family Drama, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Grieving, I'm not kidding all the fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Marriage, Moving On, Outdoor Sex, POV First Person, Smut, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, headcanons, whoops how did that happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-20 10:01:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 37,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12430440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Furuba_Fangirl/pseuds/Furuba_Fangirl
Summary: When Isaac met Alex, he definitely wasn’t prepared for all the events to come. Falling in love. Forming a family... Loss. With all the good and bad memories, he wouldn’t give them up for anything in the world.





	1. The Night We Meet

**Author's Note:**

> A little bit of background for my Dadsona, Isaac Connors. He is a cis male and is half-Caucasian/ half- Hispanic. He’s not a fluent Spanish speaker but knows a few words that he picked up from his mom. I kinda suck at character descriptions in the 1st person so I’m just gonna [link](https://sqayza.dm2301.livefilestore.com/y4mIz7OJ6Tsz7P4DEzoZsZfYneVP3hdnqdtZFRq4-PonRegnyGS83BlkcYlgx5VKuIjHoh-K3tZkTkLofNvp5jBqAqXKXic1CePxn9Gcj9r9Ye1dmztFwfpofy3xW7z0pZlMkddbXcInjilKytxMwHkrxrV1vwgLpyWKue3eBLO5Tl3iynsBvl3scR3dOfaLBot59ArFYuoxVRI6QIwWEOwvA/2017-10-20.png?psid=1) a picture of him from the game in case anyone wants to know how he looks.
> 
> I’m not too sure how long exactly this story will be, but it will end until it reaches where the game starts off which is roughly 23 years. There will be time skips though but a lot can happen in that time frame. Mostly fluffy, cute stuff and a few rough patches here and there. 
> 
> Also a bit of a trigger warning for this chapter, someone starts hitting on Isaac and takes it too far. Nothing too intense but enough to make him uncomfortable and upset.

_1994_

So this is the college experience then: bad sex and a killer hangover. If I had high heels I might as well be carrying them during my walk of shame across campus. Even the crunching of the leaves beneath my feet is too loud for my throbbing head and I try to focus the cool morning air to distract myself from the pain. It’s almost been a semester since I started going to Grand Ridge University and I’m still in awe by the campus. The buildings are monoliths compared to the ones I would have had to study in if I had gone to community college like my dad wanted me to. It's not like we couldn't afford a bigger college... I just think he didn't believe I would get accepted to one. But I proved him wrong and here I am… Even if my decisions have been questionable so far.

After what feels like an eternity, I make it to the safety of my dorm and I lazily fumble with my keys to enter. I should still get a couple hours of sleep before my first cl—

Ass. There’s an ass in front of me. More specifically, Craig’s ass. I let out a little wolf whistle. “Quite the welcome you have for me, _guapo,_ ” I tease.

Craig nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears me and quickly pulls his boxers and sweatpants up. He turns around and his face is flush red. “Dude! What are you doing here?”

“Um, I live here. What are you still drunk or something?”

“That’s not what I meant, bro. I meant, what are you doing here so early? I thought we were going to see each other in class.” He sounds nervous, but my mind is too muggy to care why.

Craig and I have an agreement where whenever we spend the night somewhere else, we’ll save each other a seat in class. “That was the plan but after last night’s experience, I decided to check out early,” I explain as I flop onto the bed.

“That bad, huh?” he laughs.

“Yep. I saved us both the trouble of that awkward post-coitus conversation and just snuck out.” Honestly, I envy the female ability to fake orgasms. It probably would have saved a whole lot of time last night.

“Did you at least leave him a note?”

“Of course, Craig! I have manners,” I say with mock offense. I actually did… I mean A for effort, I guess.

I hear the bathroom door open and Craig kinda flinches. Out steps a familiar and infamous face. “Um, hey, Ashley. This is my roommate Isaac. Um, Isaac this Ashley,” he awkwardly introduces.

“Cool,” she vaguely waves at me and I do the same. She gives Craig a quick kiss. “That was fun, we should do it again sometime.” She starts heading out the door. “Oh and don’t forget about the party next week.” Craig nods then she turns to me. “You can come too if you want.”

“Uh, thanks—“ She shuts the door before I can finish.

I stare at Craig with my mouth kinda open. “Seriously, Craig? You hooked up with Smashley,” I chuckle.

“Uh, yeah. I’ve been making a name for myself. She knew who I was even before she started hitting on me last night.”

“She wanted a load of Kegstand Craig, huh? No pun intended.” It was a little intended but it gets him to laugh either way. “But some friend you are. You were trying to keep her a secret,” I reprimand.

 “I swear I was going to tell you. I just didn’t think you were going to see her leave,” he confesses.

“While I did get a good view of your pale, yet perky ass, I think we’re gonna have to start imposing the sock on the door rule if she’s going to be a regular.”

“I’ll keep my ass to myself next time,” he promises with a giggle.

He lays down on his bed parallel to mine. “So what’s this party that Smashley invited us to?”

“Her sorority is having a mixer and she wanted me to come. I think she wanted to show me off.”

“Humble, much?” I scoff. “Well thank God it’s a week away. My body needs to detox from last night… Actually, I might need a year but I’ll work with what I got.” I don’t get a response from him and realize that he already doze off. I shake my head and laugh. I pull my pillow closer to me and try to catch a few precious hours of sleep too.

***

I pull my tattered denim jacket over my red flannel shirt as we make our way to the sorority house. We’re a couple of blocks away, but we can hear the distant siren calls of drunk men and women. “You ready to show off your skills to Smashley’s sorority sisters?”

“You know it! My whole life has prepared me for this day!”

“Getting wasted to impress your future girlfriend?”

“Exactly,” he proudly states. We cackle at the thought. Neither Kegstand Craig nor Smashley is the type to settle down to a fixed relationship.

We arrive at the house and it literally vibrates from the loud music. I would never admit it to Craig but I’m always uneasy when I go to big parties like this. The idea of being packed in a room full of people always makes me feel agitated, which is primarily the reason I always make a beeline for the nearest, coldest beer.

Make that beers, as I am currently on my fifth one and they’re really starting to kick in. “CRAIG! CRAIG!” I cheer in unison with the rest of the crowd as he is working a keg.

I feel someone stroke my shoulder and a voice slur, “Hey, gorgeous. You getting lonely?”

I look over and see a girl with auburn, permed hair who looks more shit-faced than I am. “Not really. Just waiting for my friend to beat his record.” I motion to Craig.

She hums, “Oh, your friends with Kegstand Craig. That just makes you even cooler in my book.” She drapes her arms over my shoulder and rubs a hand on the back of my neck, drunkenly swaying.

“U-um, thanks,” I say anxiously as she’s getting too close for my comfort.

She flashes me a wicked, flirtatious smile. “You know there are plenty of rooms in this house to spare. Why don’t we take this somewhere else?” she propositions.

I try to wriggle away but she has a death grip around my neck. “Sorry, to break it to you but I don’t swing that way,” I explain to her. That usually is enough of a hint yet this girl does not seem to be deterred.

“That’s okay, pretty boy.” She rubs my cheek. “A night with me and you’ll change your mind,” she whispers into my ear.

Before I can protest any further, she has me pinned against the wall sloppily kissing me. I push her away, as best I can since she’s unrelenting and my motor skills aren’t fully functioning. “Cut it out, lady. I’m not interested,” I object.

That gets her really annoyed and she furrows her painted eyebrows at me. “Don’t be a pussy. I’m giving you a free pass here,” she growls as she starts necking me.

“I’m serious—“ My sentence turns into a yelp as she cups a hand on my crotch and squeezes tightly. “Knock it off!” I snap, hoping someone hears but I know it’s drowned out by the music. I keep trying to fend her off but she won’t let me budge. I feel my face hot with anger and embarrassment. Suddenly, I feel another arm wrap around my shoulder and I’m plucked away from the she-devil.

“You mind getting your claws out of my boyfriend?” an unfamiliar, yet stern voice asks.


	2. Waiting Here With You

I look at the hand that is giving me a reassuring squeeze. It’s big enough to almost cover my shoulder completely, the skin is a nice, deep brown color and the nails are perfectly trimmed but with small flecks of paint embedded into the cuticles. I turn my attention back to the harpy who is blinking quickly with a stunned expression. “W-wha?” she sputters.

“You heard me. This here is my guy so I suggest you scram,” he demands with a surprisingly level tone.

The girl pouts and crosses her arms. “Hmph, whatever.” She turns on her heels but not before flipping us both off.

“Charming, isn’t she?” my savior remarks sarcastically as he lets go.

“The epitome of elegance. The Queen has nothing on her,” I taunt. I finally look to face him and I’m greeted by a pair of golden brown eyes. He flashes me a grin to show off a perfectly white set of teeth and dimples that form in his freckled cheeks… Woah.

“In all seriousness, you okay man?” He looks up and down at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Y-yeah,” I lie. I try my best to keep the fact I’m a little shaken and that my head is spinning from the alcohol. That attempt fails when I stumble back and grip the wall to keep myself steady.

“Woah,” he exclaims as he tries to keep me balanced.

“Sorry, I just… may have overdone it with the beers. I’ll be fine,” I assure.

He chuckles a little, “It’s cool. You don’t have to apologize.” He motions his head towards the door. “Do you wanna go outside? Might help you calm down a bit,” he suggests kindly.

“Um…” I look over to Craig and see Smashley is already all over him after his victory. I don’t think I have to worry about him so I give the guy a nod. He takes my wrist to help me navigate through the crowd and I’m glad there are tacky strobe lights to hide my blushing.

We make it outside and I’m glad to feel the cool, fall air against my skin. There are a few people already occupying the porch and stoop so he helps me sit down on the edge of the sidewalk so I don’t fall flat on my ass. I tilt my head back to look at the sky, taking in a deep breath. I let the music be drowned out by the sound of crickets and the soft rustle of leaves.

“Better?” he asks.

“Much,” I reply. “Um, thanks… for helping out in there.” I rub my neck feeling a little silly that I couldn’t defend myself.

“Don’t mention it. I could tell she was making you uncomfortable and when I saw she was getting a little too handsy, I knew I had to step in.”

“I’m glad you did. I’m sure she would’ve eaten me alive.”

He smiles at me and he extends his hand out towards me, “I’m Alex, by the way. Figure you should know the name of the guy who saved you from being supper.”

I laugh a little and shake his hand. “I’m Isaac.” We retract our hands and Alex starts making himself comfortable on the sidewalk too. “Ah, wait, you’re not going back to the party?”

“Nah. To be honest, parties aren’t really my thing. The only reason I came was as a solid to one of my friends. I’m his designated driver for the evening,” he explains. He quirks an eyebrow at me. “What? You trying to get rid of me already?”

“Oh, no! It’s not that,” I stammer. “I just didn’t want you to feel obligated to stay either.”

“I’m just pulling your leg,” he laughs. “In any case, it’s not an obligation if you’re in good company.”

“R-right.” I turn my face away so he doesn’t notice the pink in my cheeks.

I hear the distinct clicking noise of a lighter and I see Alex with a cigarette hanging from his lips as he tries to light it. Before he lets the small flame touch the cigarette butt he pauses and looks over at me. “You don’t mind, right? Wouldn’t want to impose my second-hand smoke on you.”

I find it oddly considerate of him to ask. I shake my head and give him the go to continue. I can’t help but stare at him blowing puffs of smoke, almost gracefully. Actually, everything about this guys is pretty stylish. His dark brown hair reaches his shoulder but he keeps most of it neatly tucked behind his ears. He has on washed out jeans with holes at the knees and a navy blue hoodie over his grey V-neck shirt. A look that could easily make anyone else look like a slob, but he somehow manages to make it look cool.

He gives me a side eye glance and I quickly look away hoping he didn’t realize I was staring at him. “Do you want one?” he offers, holding out the pack of cigarettes. I’m sure he did see my eyes lingering but I’m grateful he changed the subject.

“Um, probably not a good idea. The last time I tried smoking a cigarette was when I was fourteen and I coughed so much I threw up,” I admit. “I blamed the dog for the stain in the living room rug so my mom wouldn’t figure it out. Poor Tucker.” Why am I telling him this story? Haven’t I embarrassed myself enough in front of him tonight?

Alex lets out an amused laugh and pockets the pack. “Thanks for the warning.” Phew. “Smoking isn’t everyone’s poison. Wouldn’t really recommend it either. These things can kill you,” he says as he puffs out another billow.

I raise my eyebrows, befuddled by his response. “Then why do it in the first place?”

He shrugs giving me a little smirk. “I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” So smooth. “I also blame _The Outsiders_. Kinda made me feel like a greaser and the habit sorta stuck.”

“You like _The Outsiders_?”

“Mhm, it’s my favorite book,” he confirms. Alex looks down at the pavement, a nostalgic smile forming on his lips. “Always wanted to be part of the gang… Even if they were fictional characters, I always felt like they were my family…”  He grins, “Plus I had a huge crush on Sodapop in the movie, so there’s that!”

That catches me off guard and I find myself chuckling, “Personally, I was more into Dally.”

“Really?” he asks in disbelief.

“What can I say? I was into the wild ones,” I shrug. We stare at each for a second before we bust out laughing at the fact that we’re actually discussing our childhood crushes. Damn, why am I smiling so much?

Someone comes behind Alex and shakes his shoulders. “Uh, time to go.”

We both turn to see a boy anxiously glancing around. “Wait, already?” Alex squints at him. “What did you do?”

The boy nervously scratches his head. “I may have knocked something over.”

“Picture frame, again?” _Again?_

“Trophy.”

“Shit.” Alex stubs his cigarette out. “I’ll meet you in the car.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he says, already making his way down the street.

“Well, I’m on the clock again,” he explains to me.

“Oh, alright then.” I try to hide the hint of disappointment in my voice. I really wish we could talk some more.

He hoists himself off the sidewalk. “Well, Isaac, it was nice meeting you.” He pats my shoulder. “Catch you around.”

I nod my head. “See ya.”

He gives me one of his sweet smiles before he starts heading towards the car. Alex waves goodbye to me and I wave back. I pick myself up and start making my way back to the house to go find Craig but I stop when I hear the car horn blaring. I turn around to see Alex trying to flag me down.

I walk back in his direction, unsure of what he wants. “What’s up?” I ask as I approach the car.

“Well, I realized that I do want to catch you around again. However, there is the problem that Grand Ridge is huge so seeing each other around is highly unlikely. So my solution to this dilemma is this.” He hands me a cigarette and I realize it has something sloppily written on it. Upon further inspection, it’s a phone number… Holy shit, he’s giving me his number! “Call whenever you feel like hanging out, ‘kay?”

I blush and there’s no hiding it from him this time. “Uh, yeah. Definitely,” I stammer.

“Cool.” He gives me a salute. “Stay gold, buddy.” The car starts rolling away and he gives one last wave before it disappears down the street.

That… really just happened. He said he wants to see me around… I look at the cigarette in my hand and feel a smile spread across my face. I put it in my pocket for safe keeping and finally head back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how I imagine Alex when he was younger and hopefully you guys like the characterization. I've been super self-conscious about putting this chapter out since it's my personal take on the character. Let me know what y'all think about the story so far :) 
> 
> P.S. The Outsiders is actually my favorite book. It's actually the book that inspired me to start writing and I couldn't resist putting in a reference to it.


	3. Don't Threaten Me With a Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac and Alex's 1st date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No champagne, cocaine or gasoline. Just a good ol' time :)

“Okay, you can do this. Just dial those seven digits,” I murmur to myself as I thumb the cigarette. I pick up the phone off of the receiver but immediately slam it back down. God, I’m a wuss. I sprawl myself on the bed, succumbing to my life of social anxiety and loneliness. It’s been a few days since I met Alex and I’ve been putting off calling him. I mean he’s so cool that I don’t even know where I would ask him to hang out. Then I remember his kind eyes and soft smile and I get even get more nervous. I bury my face into my pillow, maybe in the hopes of smothering myself.

I hear the click of the door opening and Craig stepping inside. “Sup, bro.”

“Sup,” I reply, my voice muffled by the fabric.

“Rough day?”

I finally lift my head up so he can hear me better. “You can say that…” I look over at the phone.

“Woah, did you call him?”

I sigh, “No. I didn’t even dial the number.”

“Dude, why not? He told you he wanted to see you around. What are you worried about?” he questions.

I sit up on the bed. “I don’t know, man. I’ve never really done this before and… I’m scared I’m getting my hopes up.” The last time I did… it blew up in my face. Ever since then, I didn’t even consider dating anymore especially in my rinky-dink town. The most I got were a few make-out sessions and a couple of hookups with people who knew I would keep quiet... Now I’m faced with the (very _small_ ) possibility of something more and it’s terrifying.

“Well, you know what they say. Can’t make an omelet without cracking a few eggs,” Craig advises.

“Coming from the guy who literally shakes his egg still in the shell, then nukes it whole to make ‘scrambled eggs’,” I snicker.

 “Okay, smart ass. You know what I mean. Just for that, I’m going to crack the first egg.”

“What do you mean by that—“ He darts toward the phone and starts dialing the number on the cig. I launch towards him but he keeps me at arm’s length. “Craig, no!” I protest as I flail helplessly to get the phone away from him. Dammit, he’s scrawny but he’s the taller of the two so my attempts are futile.

“It’s ringing,” he mocks.

“Fuck off, _pendejo_! I swear Cahn, I’m going to—“ He puts the phone to my ear.

“Hello,” I hear on the other end. Shit, it’s Alex. I grab the phone from Craig.

“U-um. H-hey, Alex, it’s Isaac from the party,” I stutter.

“Oh, hey! I was hoping I’d hear from you soon,” he responds excitedly. Was…he really waiting for me to call? Maybe he was just as nervous as me too.

“Yeah, I was just wondering if your offer still holds and if maybe… you wanted to hang out today?” I wait anxiously for him to answer.

“Sure thing, Isaac. Let’s hang!” Oh, thank God. “Actually, today couldn’t have been any better. The gallery I work at is hosting an open house this afternoon. It’s basically an event for all artists to bring their work for people to see. It’s gonna be really awesome, I promise.”

I smile from hearing the excitement in his voice and can just imagine his dimples deepening. “Sounds like fun, Alex.”

“Great! How about I come pick you up at three and we can head over together?”

“Alright. I’ll wait outside of Mueller Hall.”

“Sounds like a plan. See you then, Isaac. Bye”

“Yeah, see you. Bye,” I finish and let out a breath of relief. I cannot believe I’m going to see him again.

“You’re welcome,” Craig chimes smugly.

“Shut up,” I mutter. I actually should say thanks but I’m still pissed at him.

“Well, you better start getting ready, Connors,” he instructs, patting my face. “You have a date to go to.”

A date…

 

I’m actually here. I’m actually sitting in Alex’s car right now about to go to an art gallery with him. “Nice car,” I had dumbly complimented when I stepped inside. Not the smoothest thing to say considering I had technically seen it already, but he graciously accepted it. It’s an old Chevy and some of the silver paint is chipped, but it still works with his aesthetic. Today his hair is tied back in a short ponytail and his goatee is a little more trimmed than the last time we saw each other. He’s got on a denim button up shirt and the sleeves are slightly rolled up to his mid-forearm. He looks really… handsome.

Okay Isaac, stop gawking at your new friend or you’re really going to scare him off.

I hear a familiar tune emitting from the radio and Alex turns the knob to raise the volume. “Nice!” I exclaim, as “Come Together” starts to vibrate through the air.

“Beatles fan, huh?” he asks smiling.

“Alex, that’s like asking if I’m human,” you quip.

“Fair enough,” he laughs. Alex slowly taps his hand on the steering wheel to the beat and he starts singing, “Here come old flat-top. He come grooving up slowly. He got ju-ju eyeballs. He's one holy roller. He got hair down to his knees. Got to be a joker, he just do what he please.”

I decide to join in. “He wear no shoeshine, he's got toe-jam football. He got monkey finger, he shoot Coca-Cola. He say, ‘I know you, you know me.’ One thing I can tell you is you got to be free.”

We both belt, “Come together, right now. Over me.” Neither one of us is musically inclined so we just laugh at our sad attempt at singing. This is actually turning out to be really fun.

 

We pull into the back lot of the art gallery and get out of the car. “So, you were in a band?” Alex asks curiously.

“Yep. Skammunist Manifesto was a hit at my high school talent show. As you may have been able to tell, I wasn’t the lead singer but I was pretty decent at the keyboard.”

“That’s cool! The only instrument I ever touched was a recorder in elementary school and I still sucked at it.” Hey, I actually impressed him instead of embarrassing myself!

We make our way to the front and I see that the sign says Blue Iris Gallery in an intricate font. Oh God, I hope this event isn’t too fancy considering my attire consists of a tie-dye shirt and a pair of jeans. To my relief, there is a diverse group of people with casual clothing aside from a few employees with more formal wear.

A blonde haired woman with horned-rimmed glasses comes over to Alex with open arms and huge smile. She wraps him in a hug, “Alex, you’re finally here! I was starting worry that you weren’t going to show up.”

“You know I would never miss an open house. I wanted to bring along my friend so I ran a little late.”

She lets go and looks over to me. I gulp silently, hoping she’s not mad at me for making him late. However, the woman gives a big smile and extends her hand out to me. “Lovely to meet you. I’m Lana, the curator of this establishment,” she introduces.

“Nice to meet you too. I’m Isaac.”

“Well, Isaac, it’s great to have a newcomer to the gallery. I hope you enjoy your time here. Now if you two will excuse me, I have to greet some of our patrons.” She waves and strolls in another direction.

“She’s cool,” I comment.

“Yep, she’s the best. Lana’s been showing me the ropes of the art world,” he explains.

“So, is it safe to assume that you’re an art major?”

Alex nods. “I’m in my third year. What about you? What’s your major?”

Ugh, I always dread getting asked that. “Um, I’m undecided right now. Not too sure what I want to do for the rest of my life,” I explain, scratching my head nervously.

“That’s fine. No need to stress about it. Just gotta find something you like and the rest comes easy,” he reassures.

“Heh, I guess you’re right.” It’s nice to hear that from someone instead of having them badgering me about making up my mind.

We make our ways to the exhibits, munching on some frosted sugar cookies we grabbed at the snack table (because we both agreed that they are gravely underappreciated). Alex wasn’t kidding about all the artwork there was going to be. Among everything, there’s a sculpture of giant angel wings, a drawing stylized like an old cartoon and an abstract painting that, I couldn’t help pointing out, had an uncanny phallic appearance. Alex had to stifle his giggles when he noticed the resemblance too. It’s all pretty amazing and there’s one painting, in particular, that captures my attention.

I go to check it out while Alex talks to one of the other artists. On closer inspection it’s a scenic painting of a bayside at sunset. There are little shops and palm trees and even yachts docked along a pier. It’s so realistic that it looks more like a photo than a painting. The colors are so perfectly blended that I can barely see the brush strokes. I look at the small cardstock plaque underneath:

_Oil on canvas, 36 x 40_

_“Maple Bay Marina”_

_-Alex Malone_

Wait a second… I call out, “Hey is this yours?” I turn around to see Alex with an almost mortified expression on his face.

He rubs his face and huffs, “I begged Lana not to put it up.”

So it _is_ his. “Why wouldn’t she put it up? It’s amazing, Alex,” I compliment.

“I don’t know about that. There’s definitely better out there and I still have a lot to learn…” The painting is beautiful and I don’t understand why he looks so self-conscious about it.

“Well, in my humble opinion, it’s tons better than a deformed dick that’s for sure.”

There’s no holding his laugh back this time. “Best compliment anyone’s given me,” he chuckles breathlessly.

I smile at him, not believing how much I like hearing him laugh. “So where is that place? I’ve never heard of it?”

“Oh, it’s my hometown in New England. My Granny lived there and when I was ten, she helped my mom rent a place there. It’s kinda small but… it’s peaceful. It was nothing like living in The City where I had to fall asleep to the sound of traffic. I might not live near the bayside but it’s always my favorite place to go.”

“Sounds nice. I’m from a small town too, but it’s definitely not as scenic. Unless you consider dry valley spanning a 60-mile radius picturesque.”

He hums, “Well, if you ever get the chance. You should go visit sometime…”

I feel my stomach flutter as I imagine us standing at the marina together. “I’ll put it on my bucket list,” I affirm, trying to play it off coolly.

“That’s the spirit!” he praises.

The evening winds down, people start to trickle out of the gallery and I help Alex clean up a bit before we head out. By the time we finish the sun is starting to set and there’s a nip in the air. I rub my arm for some warmth, wishing I had remembered to bring a jacket.

“Cold?”

“Uh, a little bit,” I admit.

We get to the car and he opens up to let us both in. After he turns the ignition, Alex thankfully puts on the heater. He reaches out for my chilled hands and holds them gingerly in front of the warm flow of air. I feel my skin heat up but I’m pretty sure it’s for an entirely different reason. “Um, thanks,” I manage to mutter.

He nods at me before letting go. “Now let’s get going shall we.”

The car ride, much too my disappointment, goes by quickly. As we approach my dorm hall, Alex parks the car. “Thanks for taking me along, Alex. I had a good time.”

“I’m glad, Isaac. And thanks for calling… If… you want to hang out again, we can do something you like next time.” He’s smiling at me a little coyly waiting for my response.

I try to suppress my giddiness and answer, “Deal.”

“Great.” His smile stretching into an appreciative grin. I didn’t know a human could have such a pretty smile.

I want to stay a little longer but I reluctantly get out of the car, waving goodnight to him. He gives me a thumbs up and drives off. I let out a dreamy sigh like I just watched a knight ride away on a silver horse.

I make my way to my room, still a little dazed from the whole experience. Inside, I see Craig watching our cheap TV. “Hey, how did everything go?” Craig asks, still with his attention to the TV.

“It went… great.” I go sit next to Craig in one of our bean bags. “Craig…”

He looks over at me. “Yeah, bro?”

“Thanks…”       

He smiles at me. “Glad I could help but next time you’re cracking your own damn eggs.”

“Alright, alright,” I laugh, rolling my eyes at him. I really do want there to be a next time… and more times after that.


	4. Just Forget the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date 2: Dinner and a movie leads to Isaac opening up to Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: Isaac briefly talks about people making jabs at his sexuality

Alex and I scurry into the late-night diner to escape the biting cold of mid-December “Man, that movie was awesome,” Alex says as he slides into one of the booths.

“I know right! Mark my word, Alex. _Pulp Fiction_ will be a cult classic one day! Just you wait,” I claim.

“Oh, no doubt,” he agrees.

Although we had talked about hanging out again, this has been the only time we’ve been able to actually spend time together. After Thanksgiving break, both of us were busy studying for finals and couldn’t plan anything out. We still talked over the phone which was always nice and he basically kept me from having a goddamn aneurysm while I studied. Once I finished with being a responsible college student, however, I finally had the chance to invite him to the movies. Between me poking fun at Alex for ordering pancakes and bacon for dinner and him saying “It’s breakfast somewhere in the world” in his best Vincent Vega impression, I’d say it was worth the wait.  

The waitress finally brings our food and I happily start scarfing down my burger.

“Woah, Isaac. You know that burger’s not going anywhere, right?” Alex chuckles.

I wash down the mouthful of food with my soda before answering, “I know, but this has been the most solid food I’ve eaten in the last two weeks. My diet has consisted of only cereal and ramen.”

“Yeah, I remember my freshmen year. I stockpiled Campbell’s soup and ate them for the entire year.”

“At least we didn’t sink so low as Craig. He literally got up, went to our mini fridge, cracked open a jar of marinara and _drank_ it. He chugged it straight up without anything. You know what he said?”

Alex shakes his head, listening attentively to the story.

“He said, ‘It’s basically a smoothie.’ I was genuinely concerned he had lost his mind.”

“I mean, smoothies are just blended fruit and tomatoes _are_ technically fruits.”

“Oh, God. Don’t tell him that. He might think it’s socially acceptable to do that. I may never be able to make French bread pizza again.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that for the next couple of weeks. You’ll have plenty of time to eat decent food once you leave for break this weekend, right?”

“Yeah, at least I’ll have that going…”

“What? Are you not looking forward to going home?”

“Oh no, it’s not that. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to sleep in my own bed and eat my mom’s cooking but… Ugh, I can’t stand holidays at my house. My mom always invites our extended family over and it’s always so awkward,” I complain as I grumpily pick at my French fries.

He raises an amused eyebrow at me. “I think it’s almost a requirement for holidays to be awkward. That’s what family is for.”

“Well, you haven’t met mine. Both sides of my family don’t really see eye to eye which is cause for a whole lot of drama. This Thanksgiving they had a thirty-minute argument on what music to put on.”

“Ooh, a true family dilemma. What was on the table?”

“The Suarez’s were polling for Maná while the Connors were polling for Jimmy Buffet. It turned into real shit-show,” I retell. “And maybe I could handle them if they just argued except…” I hesitate since I don’t want to put a damper on things.

“Except what?” Alex looks at me with a slight concern.

“It’s not a big deal, just stupid things they say,” I answer shortly trying to change the subject.

I think Alex notices that it’s something that bugs me more than I’m letting on and he presses, “Come on, you can talk to me about anything. Even if it’s about ‘stupid things’ as you put it…”

I look at him, his eyes emanating so much warmth that I know he’ll hear me out. I sigh, “It’s just that every time, without fail, my family makes me feel like the odd man out… My mom has always supported the fact that I’m gay and she’s always done her best to defend me against our relatives. However, that doesn’t seem to stop their snarky remarks and it gets annoying after a while.”

“Get this,” I continue. “My aunt started telling me that her hairdresser was currently single and kept hounding me about hitting him up. Then my _tio_ made the comment that maybe getting into sports would help me out of my ‘phase.’ Ooh and here’s the real cherry on the top. One of my cousins asked if it wasn’t too much temptation for me to have a male roommate. Lovely, right?”

“Oh… Sorry you have to put up with that,” he sympathizes.

I shrug, “I’ve accepted who I am already but… it just sucks that people can’t leave me be about it.”

“Hey, it’s normal to feel that way, especially if it’s because of your own family. And believe me I know it hurts but there is a point where you just have to tune them out.”

I pause for a second and ask, “Have you had to tune someone out before?”

“Yeah… but I haven’t had to in a long time… It’s hard but there’s a point where it just becomes white noise… Besides, you just have to put up with them a couple times a year. That’s probably less than one percent of your entire life,” he assures with a smile.

“That is true,” I laugh.

Alex pulls out a napkin to write on. “If you need help tuning them out, call me at home if you need to talk.”

“What, no cigarette this time? You losing your charm or something?” I tease

He gives me a sly smile and leans into his jaw with his hand. “I don’t know, you tell me?” His eyes meet mine, making my heart jump a little.

“Maybe not…” I answer sheepishly as I take the napkin. “Alex… thanks for being here for me… It means a lot.”

“Hey, I know we haven’t known each other that long but… I want you to know that I’ll listen to you. Even if it seems silly, you can tell me anything. Just consider me your personal therapist, Dr. Malone.”

There’s a joke to be made here and I take the opportunity. “Hate to break it to you Alex, but I’m not into roleplays.

Alex actually snorts at that. “You always have a wisecrack up your sleeve, don’t you?”

“I do have my own charm you know,” I gloat as I waggle my eyebrow at him.

“I won’t argue with that,” he grins.

…Shit, that gets me to blush furiously. I choke out, “T-thanks.”

After we finish up our meal and step outside, we’re greeted by a chilly surprise. My eyes widen as I see a flurry of white powder slowly drifting down. “Snow…” I murmur. I try to keep my excitement contained but I giddily blurt, “Alex, it’s snow!”

“Yeah, it is… Isaac, have you never seen it snow before?”

I shake my head. “Unfortunately, no. My hometown has ice, not snow.”

“Well, it’s your lucky day then. Come on!” Alex ushers me. He leads me to a patch of sod that has already been lightly covered with snow and he lies back on it. “Best way to catch the view.” He pats the ground next to him and I join him.

As I look up to the sky, dark grey clouds cover the starry night and the soft flakes seemingly dance in the frigid air. I feel the flecks of snow land on my nose and cheeks, tickling me with their iciness. I’m sure I have the stupidest smile on my face but I can’t help it. “It really is… amazing,” I whisper. My attention shifts to Alex and I notice that his gaze is on me.

“Isaac…”

“Um, yeah…?”

“I’m glad I got to share this moment with you…” A soft smile forms on his lips.

The temperature is below freezing but every inch of me feels warm. “Me too, Alex…” I wouldn’t want to experience this with anyone other than you… I wish I had the confidence to say that to him. To reach out and hold his hand so that he knows how special of a person he’s becoming to me… but I can’t… I’m not ready… I don't think he would but if he did pull away… I wouldn't be able handle it… Not again.

So for now, this is fine. Just us lying underneath the snowy night sky...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tio = uncle ( I keep forgetting to put translations XD)


	5. Hold on Tight Because We're Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date 3... Well not technically. But! Important events transpire so let's just say it is :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this chapter turned out longer than expected, so sorry for the late update on the story. Hopefully it was worth the wait for you guys!

_1995_

I waste no time after Alex knocks to swing the door wide open. “Alex! I know we have to get going but I want you to meet someone!”

I basically drag him into the dorm room while he stutters, “U-uh, sure thing.”

Craig is sat on the floor with his back to us. “Alex, I would like to present to you our new roommate… Carl!” He announces and scoots out of the way to dramatically reveal a small beagle pup trying to ferociously rip apart one of his gym socks.

Alex blinks for a second, trying to assimilate what is before his eyes. Carl looks up from his mock chew toy and cheerfully barks at him. A huge grin forms on his face. “Oh my god, he’s so fucking cute!”

“Alex, language,” I scold playfully.

“Sorry, but I can’t help losing my cool around such an adorable fellow.” He kneels down to scratch the liver-colored dog behind his floppy ear, making his tiny leg twitch in excitement. “Where did you guys get this little guy?”

“I found him near our hall eating some scraps from the trash,” Craig explains. “So I brought him here and Isaac helped me clean him up?”

“We were going to take him to the shelter afterward but he’s been such a good guest that we decided to keep him for a while longer.” Aside from the having a new furry friend, I couldn’t bring myself to tear him away from Craig. Poor guy has been glum since Smashley said she “needed a break” and Carl has been a good distraction for him.

“Aren’t you guys worried about your RA finding out about him?”

“I mean we’ve been holding off suspicions by saying we took in a new roommate with a really bad cough,” I assure him. "He's seen you come by before so that's helped keep up the ruse."

“And it should give us enough time ‘til I can take him back home with me. Isn’t that right, little bro?” He says picking him up, letting the pupper give him some wet licks on his cheeks.

“Well, Carl, it was an honor meeting you,” Alex says as he shakes his paw. “Although I would love to stay longer and give him all the cuddles he deserves, we should start heading out,” he informs me.

“Right, right. I wouldn’t want to make us late again.”

“If we are, it would be totally worth it to meet this pup.” He gives Carl one last scruff on the head and we say goodbye to Craig before we head out.

 

After feeding the parking meter for the rest of the day, Alex and I head down the block to notice rows of canopy tents along the street plaza. We see people bustling around the booths buying little trinkets, dancing to the live musicians or eating some deliciously greasy food.

“Wow, everything looks great!”

“Yeah, they do this street fair every spring and the community always pulls out all the stops. As soon as I’m done helping Lana out with her booth we’ll take the time to take a look around,” Alex promises.

“Hey, I’m in no rush. Besides… as long as we get to spend time together, I really can’t complain.” I smile at him graciously. And I honestly mean that… These past few months have been amazing, at least for me anyways. We’ve kinda been making a routine together of going to the movies, taking walks at night or just talking hours on end. Each day that goes by, I feel closer and closer to him… Not a moment goes by that I don’t think about telling Alex how I feel about him, especially when his golden eyes almost glimmer as he smiles at me like he is right now.

We make it towards the farther end of the street to see Lana and a few other people setting up the booth. “Alas, my showstopper has arrived,” Lana jovially exclaims as she notices Alex. She asks some of the volunteers to take her place for a second and she comes to properly greet us. “I got all the supplies you need so you’ll be ready to go once we finish.”

“Alright,” he replies with an anxious inflection in his voice.

Lana nods at him and gives him a reassuring pat on the back before going to get the material.

“So what exactly are you supposed to do?” I inquire.

Alex slightly shifts uncomfortably. “She wants me to do a live demonstration. Lana is all about encouraging people to try art hands-on and thought it would help draw people in… I guess the nerves are getting to me though. I’ve never really had anyone see me work before but I know this means a lot to her.” He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a deep sigh.

I can tell he’s really nervous, so I put my hand on his shoulder. “I know you’re scared to put yourself out there but, Alex, you’re your own worst critic. I’ve seen you’re work and it’s amazing… Just do what you do best and don’t think about anything else, okay?”

I see some of the tension leaves his face. He puts his hands over mine and I try to keep my breath from hitching. “Okay,” he answers.

I let him get ready, while I help out Lana finish setting up some fold out chairs around the tables. As we finish up with the booth, I see that Alex has his easel and canvas set up. I decide to hang back in one of the chairs and give him space to work so he doesn’t feel any more pressure. Although I can’t see what he’s painting from where I’m sitting, I observe his movements and his focused expression: eyebrows slightly furrowed, lower lip tucked between his teeth, toned muscles flexing with every stroke…

And now I have to cross my legs to hide the uncomfortable tightness growing in my jeans.

Whatever he’s painting, it’s starting to draw in a small crowd much to Lana’s delight. She goes to converse with some of the adults to butter them up to buy the variety of artwork on display and directs the children to participate in some of the activities. Soon toddlers are sitting around the tables, smearing paint on paper with their chubby fingers while some of the older children are drawing on the blacktop with vibrant chalk.

The first couple of hours go by and I’ve kept myself occupied by handing out art supplies to the kids and only occasionally intervening when a few were tempted to eat them. I look over at Alex who seems a lot more relaxed now that’s he’s finished. He has a big smile on his face as people stop by to talk to him, so I can assume they have nothing but good things to say. He catches my eyes and starts motioning to me to come over.

I make my way over to him, happy that I get him to myself again. “Okay, Lana has given me the greenlight to go check out the rest of the fair but… I want you to see how I left my piece before we go.”

I’m taken aback that he actually wants me to see but elated nonetheless. “Of course!” I go around to face the canvas and my eyes are greeted with flashes of colors. It’s an art deco style painting of a young woman doing an arabesque. Her black hair flowing into perfect curls, her maroon colored lips stretched into a toothy smile and her dark skin contrasted by brilliant green eyes makes her look absolutely gorgeous. “Woah… It’s beautiful, Alex.”

“You think?” He asks meekly.

“I do. You should be proud of yourself… I know I am.”

For the first time ever, I notice Alex’s cheeks turn a shade of pink. “T-thanks, Isaac… that means a lot.” He drapes his arm over my shoulder. “Now let’s go have fun. We deserve a break together.”

I nod my head at him and we make our way to see the rest of the fair.

 

“Ow, curse my overzealous sweet-tooth,” I groan as I rub my stomach. “I should not have eaten all of that funnel cake.”

“Ooph, same. I’m sure it had enough powdered sugar and grease to cut at least five years off our life-span.”

“Totally worth it though. Here for a good time, not a long time, right?” I wink at him.

He nudges my arm and chuckles, “Right.”

As we walk down the street, I slow my pace a little bit and my eyes linger on one of the booths that has rows of writing journals neatly displayed on a table. Alex realizes I’m falling behind and he follows my line of sight. “You wanna check it out?”

“U-um, no. It’s fine,” I lie. Real convincing, Isaac.

He’s gotten to know me pretty well so, of course, he doesn’t buy it. “You’re an awful liar.” Alex grabs my hand and leads me to the booth, not really paying attention to my whiney protests.

When we reach it, the earthy smell of the paper hits my nose and a pang of nostalgia overtakes me. I tentatively pick up a leather-bound journal with an oak tree burned on. I trace the words etched into it: Random ideas turn into stories to tell. “It’s been some time since I last held one…” I murmur. “Heh, I actually used have one but it wasn’t nearly as nice as of any of these. It was just a small spiral notebook that I would keep around in case I got inspired to write anything. By now it’s probably stored away in a box somewhere in the attic…”

“So you used to write?”

“Sort of,” I hum. “I would write plays or scripts from time to time. Nothing major really. Just things my weirdly overactive mind would conjure up. Haven’t written anything in maybe… two years though,” I recall. It hasn’t been that long but it’s felt like an eternity. I miss listening to the scribbling sounds of my pen on paper. I miss envisioning how each scene would play out on a stage or movie screen. I miss the whole experience.

“Well, maybe you should get a new journal. Could set off that creative spark in you,” he suggests.

“If I’m completely honest, my creativity has never been the issue… I just stopped seeing the point of writing down something nobody would see.”

“Why’s that…?”

I can’t help hearing a firm voice echoing in my head. _Just let it go, Isaac. You’ll never get anywhere if you spend your life writing fairy-tales._ “I just thought I should start focusing less on a hobby and start thinking of something that I could actually make a career out of. Besides it’s not like I’d be the next Tennessee Williams or Shakespeare…” I put the journal back on the display shelf.

“You know what, Isaac… I get how you feel and I’m not just saying that,” he assures me. “There was a time when I doubted if I should become an artist or not. And even now there are days like today where I’m scared that I’m not good enough. But the thing is… I love doing it. Maybe I’ll never become a famous artist but as long as I know I’m doing my best then it’ll be okay.”

I toe at the ground a little, feeling uncertain. “I dunno, Alex… What if _my_ best isn’t good enough?”

He steps closer to me and grabs my chin gingerly so I meet his gaze. “I’m a firm believer that if you care about something… everything just falls into place. You just gotta take a chance...” I feel my cheeks start to sear and my breath becomes a bit shallower. I know we’re talking about me writing again but… I can’t help feel that there’s something more to that statement.

My stare falls from his eyes to his lips… plump with a hint of powdered sugar leftover; almost tantalizing me to have a taste—

“Alex!” we hear a voice call out. We both jump back to see Lana almost sprinting towards us with a huge grin on her face. “I’m so sorry if I’m interrupting you two, but this is suuuper important!”

“What’s going on?” Alex questions.

“So I met this nice gentleman—very well-dressed, handsome, a silver fox one might say,” she drones. “Anyways, he caught a look at your painting and started asking me about the artist responsible—that’d be you of course. Well, obviously I told him all about you considering you are my star child and I will never miss an opportunity to waffle on about you—

“Lana, the ‘super important’ thing,” Alex reminds her with a laugh.

“Oh, right! The matter at hand. He said he wanted to meet you because he’s interested in commissioning a piece from you!”

Alex’s eyes widen and he stammers, “R-really?”

“Yes, yes! We can’t keep him waiting for long though!” She turns to me. “Isaac, you don’t mind me borrowing him, right?”

“No, not at all!” I turn to Alex who looks utterly shell-shocked. “Alex, you have to go.”

“But...” he starts.

“This is _your_ chance and you should take it,” I encourage.

He huffs out a sigh but he gives me a smile. “Alright! I’ll find you when I’m done.”

I nod at him and watch as Lana leads him away. I’m so happy for him! He deserves this more than anyone... even if it did interrupt the moment we were having.

I turn back around to the journal booth… Maybe I should start taking my own risks...

 

As the last sunlight of the afternoon starts dissipating, people are packing up and the streetlights are starting to flicker on. I walk around the plaza until I reach the water fountain at the center and see that there’s a couple of kids still happily playing tag around it. Their mom calls them over and after some initial whining, they go take her hand. I go sit down on the edge of it. The crystalline water trickles down the cement tiers, making a silent bubbling noise. I smile to myself as I remember when my mom would let me play at our park’s fountain when I was little:

 _“Do they really make your wishes come true, Mama?”_ I asked innocently as I looked into the reflective water.

 _“Of course, mi hijito. As long as it’s with good intentions, it will always come true,”_ she assured me, the corner of her hazel eyes wrinkling as she smiled at me.

 _“Can I wish for my teeth to grow in?”_ I lisped as I pointed to the gap in my mouth. _“‘Cuz I’m tired of sounding like freaking Daffy Duck.”_

 _“Yes, amor. You can wish for that,”_ she laughed, ruffling my hair.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a penny for old time’s sake. I can’t stop thinking about Alex and how I hope everything is going well for him right now. I flip the coin off my thumb and watch it sink to the bottom.

“Hope it was a good wish.” Alex’s voice nearly making me fall back. I look at him and back at the fountain… The fuck is this sorcery!

“I think it was… So how did everything go?”

He sits next to me and flashes a smile to me. “It went great! The guy is some big restaurateur and he wants me to design a piece to put in the new place he’s opening up. We set up a meeting for next week so we plan everything out!”

It warms my heart to see him so happy. “Congratulations, Alex! I’m really glad you’re getting this opportunity!”

“To be fair… you encouraged me to go for it. So, thanks…”

"You're welcome… And while on the topic of encouragement, I, uh, have something to show you..." I reach for the paper bag beside me and take out the content.

"You actually got it!" He says as his eyes scan the leathery cover of my new journal.

"Mhmm. I might not write the next Macbeth right away but this is a good start... Seeing how hard you worked today and how that work paid off, it made me realize I can't hold off on the things that make happy because I'm afraid. So I should be thanking you too…"

He smiles at me fondly. "I guess we're both closer to what we want, huh?"

I pick my next words carefully, unsure of what the consequences might be. "Not quite… There's still something more that I want. Something I wanna get off my chest..." I gulp

He tilts his head a little in confusion, which is almost as adorable as when Carl does it.

"Alex... I like you!" I confess, heat rising to my face. "I like you more than a friend, which you've maybe figured out already ‘cause I'm awful at hiding it. I just... I just couldn't tell you because I wasn't sure if you felt the same way or if I was just reading into things... I'm tired of keeping my feelings towards you bottled up even if... you really don't see me that way..." I dread that that's the case but I have to know.

"Well... shit, Isaac I thought I was pretty obvious how I felt about you. I asked you out with a goddamn cigarette because I was worried I wouldn't get to see you again. Of course, I like you more than a friend.” He takes my hand in his and rubs small circles into it.  “If we’re not hanging out or talking on the phone, I’m always thinking of you.”

My heart feels like it’s going to pop out of my chest. My mind is in a jumble and all I can think to say is, “W-well, t-that’s great.” I truly am the exemplar of suaveness.

“Don’t sound too happy,” he teases.

“Sorry,” I laugh nervously. “It’s just I didn’t think this far ahead, but then again I’ve never been very good at planning things.”

“Planning is overrated anyways.” He lifts his hand to my cheek and strokes it lightly with the back of his hand.  I start leaning closer to him and he does the same; our breath prickling each other’s lip as we draw nearer... Screw it. I close the space between us and I caress my lips against his. They’re soft and still sweet from the funnel cake and everything I could have hoped for. Alex cradles my face as I wrap my arms around his lower back. We’re so close that I can smell his aftershave and the subtle scent of tobacco that permeates his clothes.

I pull away slightly just to catch my breath but I lightly brush my nose along his cheek. “You’re right… spontaneity is  __ _way_ better.” I feel him grin before he leaves a small kiss in the corner of my mouth.

I can get used to this…


	6. All I Can Taste is This Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An afternoon in the forest takes an unexpected, yet pleasant turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my fingers slipped on the keyboard and things got steamy. Oh well. Hopefully you guys enjoy ;)

The blades of grass along the bank swish slightly as the warm air of early summer courses through them. There’s buzzing of cicadas in the trees mixed with the soft babble of water rushing along the small creek. It’s no wonder I dozed off for a while. I rub the sleepiness out of my eyes and lift my head up slightly from the comforter we had laid out. I notice Alex sat up drawing in his sketchbook with that familiar intensity of his as he quietly hums _Loser_ by Beck. He has his hair pulled back like he usually does when he’s working and his beautiful, dark skin is illuminated by the rays of sunlight peeking through the tree leaves. God, he’s so handsome and… he’s mine.

His attention shifts to me and he smiles sweetly. “Hey, sleepyhead. Have you been staring for long?”

“Kind of. But can you really blame me?” I smirk.

He laughs before leaning down to press a tender kiss on my lips. We’ve been dating for almost two months now and my heart still skips a beat every time he does.

I sit up, resting my weight on my arms. “How long was I out?” I yawn.

“Mm, about 30 minutes give or take. You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Yeah, I didn’t realize how tired I was. It was probably the combination of a food coma and the calmness of everything here,” I reason.

“This place is nice, isn’t it? I came here to work on my final project last year and it seemed like the ideal place for a picnic. I even saw a deer last time, right across the creek,” he retells pointing around the general area. “I might have a sketch of it, actually. The little gal was the perfect model.” Alex starts to flip through the pages. “Aha,” he exclaims once he reaches the page. “Come here,” he says holding his hand out towards me.

I gladly take it, nestling myself into his lap and laying back against his chest. He hands me the sketchbook as he rests his chin on my shoulder. Just like he explained, the picture is a pencil drawing of a doe lying next to the bank in a patch of small wildflowers. “It’s like looking at a photo...” I murmur as I trace the lines with my fingers. “Can I…look at the rest?”

I feel him nod in agreement against my neck. Alex has gotten better at showing me his art and I always take it as a privilege. He flips through the sketchbook with me. After showing one of a café on a rainy day he turns to the page he was working on… a sketch of me. My arm resting on my forehead, eyes shut, soft, black curls fanned out a bit on the blanket.

His breath grazes my ear as he whispers, “This one might be my best…”

I feel myself shuddering at his words. I don’t even have a clever thing to say to that so I just stick to thanking him.

Alex places his lips on my neck only brushing them lightly on the skin and then slowly pecking at it. A staggered sigh escapes me at the sensation of his light kisses and the tickle of his stubbled chin. “Alex…” I breathe.

Alex sets the book aside so that he can wrap his arms around my waist.  He trails his mouth up to my jaw, now nibbling at the flesh making me clutch at his thighs. I turn my head to catch his lips, almost hungrily, into mine. The fullness of his lips and the slickness of his tongue are always enough to intoxicate me completely. Alex slips his hands underneath my shirt, sending chills through my body as he smoothly massages my hips. Despite my best efforts, a few moans escape me but it only seems to fan his enthusiasm so I can’t complain. I’m so high off of every sensation that I start grinding down on Alex’s lap; the friction causing him to groan lowly in his throat which I could listen to all day.

His fingers dance along my stomach until they reach the waistband of my jeans and roam slightly underneath the fabric. I want nothing more than for him to go lower— to feel for himself how hard he’s making me but a sudden wave of embarrassment hits me. I stall his hand by grabbing his wrist and pant, “Wait.”

Alex looks a little shocked, but he pulls his hand away immediately and puts it gently on my face instead. “Shit. I’m so sorry. I should’ve asked if that was okay,” he says apologetically.

“No, no, it’s not that,” I try to assure him. I rotate myself so that I can straddle him and face him directly. I wrap my arms around his shoulder and rub the back of his neck. “I wasn’t going to stop you it’s just…” I bite my lip nervously. “You sure no one will hear us? Because… I’m not necessarily reserved about the noises I make…” I admit with a blush creeping up to my face.

“Is that what you’re really worried about?” he asks with a little chuckle.

I nod my head at him, still feeling the insecurity weighing on me.

He strokes my jaw with his thumb. “If it makes you feel better we’re pretty far away from the hiking trail. We may ruin the innocence of a few woodland creatures but that’s about it. So you can make all the noise you want, babe.”

Oh, God, that’s enough to relight the fire in my blood again. It’s also enough to relieve some of the pressure I was feeling. “This place is oddly convenient then. Are you sure you didn’t bring me here just to have your way with me?” I ask jokingly.

“I can neither confirm nor deny if that was my true intention,” he retorts with a cheeky wink. We both giggle, at first, but Alex’s expression becomes a little serious. He rubs my back with his other hand, not really in a sensual way but… almost soothingly. “In all seriousness, Isaac, we don’t have to do anything right here, right now. If you’d prefer it to be in a closed room with candles and whatnot, we can make that happen. Or even if you want to wait longer, that’s fine too. I don’t ever want to push anything on you, okay?”

My heart swells at his words… When it comes to sex, no one’s ever really asked me my preferences and it’s not like I’ve been very particular either but… the fact that he wants to take my feelings into consideration makes my heart ache with joy. I rest my forehead on his, trying to take in everything: the warmth of his body, the tenderness of his touches, the gentleness of his breathing. “Alex… I want this… I want you,” I whisper as I weave my fingers into his hair and start to scatter kisses on his jaw. “I want to feel every part of you. I want you to know how important you are to me.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, stifling a moan as I roll my hips against his.

“Mhm. I’m willing to risk the innocence of some furry critters just for you,” I hum. “That is if you’re up for the challenge anyway,” I mock with a smug little smile.

He huffs out a laugh but then starts to thrust his hips with me, making me gasp in surprise. “Believe me, I’ll take that challenge as long as you’re willing,” he moans in my ear before sucking gently on my pierced lobe. His hands now sliding down my back to grip at my ass.

“ _Nngh_ , I’m willing. Oh, God, am I willing,” I sigh, my mind clouding as our boners rub against each other. Alex moves away from my ear to meet my eyes. Our gazes locking for what seems like an eternity before we start passionately attacking each other’s lips. I yank out the elastic out of his hair and hear him moan into my mouth as I tug on his newly freed locks. Alex rolls me over so that I’m flat on my back now and I shamelessly whimper between hot kisses as he ruts against me.

Stripping our clothes off is not exactly effortless, to say the least. Shirts are always the easy part but we both kinda have to awkwardly wrestle off our pants. As I wriggle out of my underwear I observe Alex taking his sweet time sliding off his boxers. As soon as he does, I’m sure my eyes bug out like a cartoon character… Let’s just say I have nothing to complain about.

I take a moment to just appreciate the handsome man hovering above me. I run my hand over his pecs and down his abs just to explore the plane of warm skin under my palms. He may not have a six pack but his stomach is flat and well-toned nonetheless. “So gorgeous,” I murmur breathlessly.

He smiles at me graciously and bends down to bite my lower lip lightly. “So are you, Isaac. Absolutely breath-taking,” he praises, now leaving kisses along my collarbone and sternum. My cheeks become red hot at his compliments and I wonder if he can feel how fast my heart is beating.

As Alex peppers my chest with attention, I fish out my wallet from my discarded jeans. I pluck out the condom and lube packet I had stashed there (because I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about this moment). I present the items to him and ask, “Alex, dear, will you do me the honor of screwing me senseless, please?” That sounded sexier in my head…

He gives me a little devilish smile and nods. “It’d my pleasure.”

His slicked up fingers are already enough to make me a quivering, moaning mess underneath him. The whole time that he preps me he lovingly strokes my body with his free hand making sure that I’m doing alright.

I’m a little disappointed when he withdraws his fingers but it’s short-lived once I see him rolling on the condom along his hard length. He does it so tantalizing slow that I’m completely mesmerized and I’m drooling a little from the anticipation of every inch of him being inside me. I widen my legs for him as he grabs my thighs to line himself up with me. “Ready?”

I nod my head, maybe a little too excitedly. My breathing and heart rate are already sky high but as soon as I feel him push in, my entire body spasms in ecstasy. I arch back a little and bite the back of my hand as I adjust to the stretch. “ _Ah,_ fuck. A-Alex,” I sputter.

“You okay?” he grunts, his body shaking a little.

“I-I’m great,” I answer in a daze. 

Alex leans down to hover over me again, intertwining our hands together and pinning them against the comforter. His hot, rapid breath grazes my face before he closes the gap and starts wetly kissing me. He starts to slide in and out slowly, every thrust earning another keen from me. As he picks up his pace, the calm noises of the forest are replaced by our heavy breathing and loud moans that would make any living creature in the vicinity blush.

“Shit, s-so good. Alex, you’re so good,” I helplessly babble. “Alex, I…” _I love you_. That’s the honest truth… I love him… I love those amber eyes and dimples of his. I love his kindness and his passion. I especially _love_ how he’s fucking me right now. I love everything about him. It seems too soon to say but… I feel it with every bit of my heart.

“Isaac…” I feel him pulse inside of me as his climax hits him. He throws his head back, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he groans hoarsely and I help him ride it out.

After he’s done, Alex waste no time in pulling out of me and practically diving himself in between my legs. His lips wrap around my painfully ignored dick and I nearly black out as he slowly sucks on me.  Oh shit, does he know how to use his mouth. I clutch on to his hands like my life depends on it and call out his name as I finish myself, my mind completely swimming in pleasure.

Alex pulls away once he’s swallowed everything up and lays his head on my heaving belly. He lets go of my hand to softly rub my side, letting me recover from the high. “That was amazing,” he pants still recovering himself.

“That’s putting it lightly. That was absolutely mind-blowing,” I concede with a chuckle. I lift my hand up and swipe some sweat-drenched strands off his forehead.

Alex shifts his head up slightly so that he can look up at me with a warm grin on his face. “Isaac… I’m glad you’re mine… I wouldn’t want anyone else but you…” He plants a kiss on the base of my stomach and I feel a warmth deep inside of me grow.

My eyes start to water slightly, even if I have a smile plastered on my face. “I’m glad too, Alex,” I croak.

His eyebrows tweak up at the tone of my voice and he crawls up closer to my face. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He gently strokes away a tear from the corner of my eye.

“Nothing. I’m just happy that’s all… No one’s ever said that to me before,” I explain as I cradle his face.

He buries his head in my neck, giving it small pecks. “That’s a shame because you deserve to hear that and more but… I’m glad I was the first to say it…”

I wrap my arms around his neck to press him closer to me. “I wouldn’t want it any other way,” I whisper as I press a kiss on his temple. We stay there for a while just clinging to each other like we’re the only people in the world… And that’s how I want it to be always…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first official attempt at writing a sex scene, so, sorry if it seemed a bit sloppy. Whether you liked it or hated it, lemme know.


	7. I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's recollection of the events that occurred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a bonus chapter but I got the idea to write a chapter from Alex's perspective and I couldn't help myself! I do promise the next chapter will move the story along normally but until then, enjoy! :D

I wasn’t supposed to be there… I wasn’t supposed to meet you that night… I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you… But here we are lying naked together on a summer day.

“No way in hell am I going to go to a party tonight, Nathan. I asked for an extra shift tomorrow and I have to get up early,” I griped.

“Oh come on, you’re such a pill, Alex. I’m offering you a chance to have some fun tonight. You’ll get to dance a little, maybe flirt with some cute frat guys. You know, things normal college students do,” he chided.

“Right. It has nothing to do with the fact that your ride flaked on you and I’m the only friend you know who doesn’t drink.”

“Okay, so you got me there _but_ I have yet to cash in my favor for helping you move into your place.”

“Hmph, and here I thought you did it out of the goodness of your heart.”

“I did, but I also got a few bruised toes from dropping a box filled with your art supplies,” he pouted.

“Fair enough,” I agreed.

“So will you come with me, pleeeaaase?” he begged, trying to make his “cute” face.

I sighed, “Fine. Until midnight. Take it or leave it Cinderella.”

“Deal! I promise you, Alex. You won’t regret this.”

***

The loud drumming of music threatening to cause a migraine certainly made me regret it at first. Nathan stopped me as I turned around to make my way out the door. “Hey, hey, where do you think you’re going?”

“Can’t I just wait for you outside?” I requested over the loud music.

He rolled his eyes at me. “Sheesh, you make it sound like you’re my prisoner.” He gave my back a hearty slap. “Come on, play a round of beer pong with me. I’ll even drink yours.”

“Such a gentleman,” I remarked sarcastically. “Alright, let’s go,” ultimately relenting. Nathan has always been persistent to a fault but his heart is always in the right place.

Not to brag or anything but I did totally crush it in beer pong. Probably because I knew it wasn’t my liver I was risking. As Nathan, giddily cheered me on, we heard a commotion on the opposite side of the room. “Ladies and gentleman, can we please have your attention?” Someone hollered.

“What the hell is going on over there?” I wondered.

He shrugged, “I don’t know but when someone starts off with ‘Ladies and gentleman’ it must be good. Let’s check it out.”

So we did. We went to check it out and that’s when I saw you for the first time. You were tipsily announcing, “It is my honor to introduce the myth, the legend: Kegstand Craig!” Although, I think it was your smile that really caught my attention: toothy, care-free and just crooked enough for it to be sexy instead of distracting.

It didn’t take long for Nathan to notice me staring and elbowed my side. “Find something you like,” he teased.

I felt my cheeks heat up for being caught. “Shut up,” I grumbled.

“You know you could just talk to the guy.”

“I don’t know man, my game is a little rusty. It’s been a while since I’ve properly flirted with anyone,” I explained. Hell, I think the last time I went on a date was a year— year and a half before—maybe?

“No time like the present to try again,” he encouraged.

“I guess…” I wasn’t sure but I saw no harm in trying so I weaved my way through the cheering crowd towards you. I thought it would be simple but when I got closer… you didn’t have that smile on your face. You looked uncomfortable and shifted nervously as that girl closed in on you like a vulture. Then… when I saw she had you pinned against the wall you looked… helpless… A sight that hit too close to home but this time… I could do something about it.

I probably pushed a few people out the way to get to you but I’d do it again... I’d do it all over again to have you safe in my arm. “Do you mind getting your claws out of my boyfriend?”

Even when she left you were trembling a bit and maybe, almost selfishly, I wanted to be the one to make you feel better. To make you make smile at least one more time… and I did. You let me wait with you outside and I got to see you smile again even when I was nervously smoking next to you. You were shy but sweet and funny nonetheless. I would’ve probably talked to you all night except—

“Uh, time to go,” I heard Nathan say behind me.

Of course, he would go and break something just as I was getting to know you.

Maybe I imagined it but I saw a flash of disappointment in those hazel eyes and I felt a pit form in my stomach as I left you sitting there.

In the car, Nathan told me, “Sorry for cock-blocking you there, but I don’t feel like getting my ass kicked by a bunch of beefy frat dudes.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” I said a bit dismissively as I looked around for something to write on. “Do you got paper anywhere?”

“Pfft, what do I look like? Office Fucking Depot? Maybe if you weren’t such a neat freak you’d have some paper lying around.”

“Thanks for the help, buddy. I appreciate it.” I managed to find a pen stuck between the console and car seat but panicked a bit when I saw you heading back inside.

I honked the horn to get your attention as I scribbled down my number desperately. God, it seemed so douchey to give you my number on a fucking _cigarette_ but… it was worth it. It was worth seeing you adorably blush under the streetlight and I could leave with the hope of possibly seeing you again…

***

I stood on the balcony of my studio apartment blasting through the last cigarette of the carton. I’m sure my lungs hated me those few days I anxiously waited for that call. I was just praying that he wouldn’t call while I was at the open house that day. I heard the phone ring and almost sprinted inside to answer.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Hey,” Nathan said on the other end.

Fuck. I sighed, “Hey, what’s up?”

“Shit, dude. Don’t sound too excited to hear from me.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. What did you need?”

“I think I left my sweater in your car? Did you see it around?”

“Yeah, it’s in my place.”

“Cool. Can I come to pick it up later?”

“Yeah, sure thing. It’s probably gonna have to wait until tomorrow. I’ll be out late from the gallery today.”

“Alright then,” he settled. “So, I’m guessing you were expecting this call to be lover-boy, huh?”

I huffed, “Just a little bit… Maybe I came on too strong and he really wasn’t interested…”

“Oorr, he’s just a timid little fella who needs time to assimilate that a stud like you gave him his number,” he suggested.

I chuckled, “I appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel better, but… maybe it’s wishful thinking.”

“Well, just give it some more time, Alex. You’ll see it’ll work out if you’re patient.”

I couldn’t help remember what my mom would always tell me. _“It’s all gonna be okay, sweetheart. When things are meant to be, they just fall into place._ “I guess you’re right, Nathan. See you tomorrow then?”

“Yep. See you then.”

I hung up the phone and it started to ring again before I could head back to the balcony. I picked it up thinking Nathan forgot to mention something.

I heard someone blurt, “I swear Cahn, I’m going to—“

“Hello?”

There was some shuffling on the other end before I heard, “U-um. H-hey, Alex, it’s Isaac from the party.” 

My heart leaped in my chest when I realized it was you. “Oh, hey! I was hoping I’d hear from you soon,” I responded. Shit, that sounded so desperate.

You didn’t seem to mind because you pressed on. “Yeah, I was just wondering if your offer still holds and if maybe… you wanted to hang out today?”

The biggest smile stretched across my face. “Sure thing, Isaac. Let’s hang!”

Just like that… things really did start to fall into place. I felt like a nervous wreck when I picked you up but I was happy to have you there even as we sang a shitty duet together in my old piece of junk… That day really was everything I could’ve asked for. I was spewing art trivia out the wazoo as we walked through the gallery but you listened regardless, giving me your undivided attention with a fond gaze. And even if I was absolutely horrified that Lana put my work up…you were genuine to a fault. “Well, in my humble opinion, it’s tons better than a deformed dick that’s for sure.” I don’t remember the last time I laughed _that_ much. I should’ve known at that moment how head-over-heels I would be for you but it didn’t take long afterward for me to figure it out.

I think it was the night that it snowed that I _really_ knew I was falling helplessly in love with you… The way you looked in awe under the falling snow was beautiful. Your dark hair was sprinkled with white flakes, your nose was pink from the cold and your smile… it was the purest thing I’d ever seen. All I wanted to do at that moment was to hold you and feel your warmth… I wanted to kiss you until our lips were raw but… it didn’t seem right at the moment. You were willing to be vulnerable with me by telling me about your family and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. So I decided I’d wait… I wanted things to be on your terms because I was scared to assume you wanted the same thing as me… So if you just wanted a friend to hear you out… I was willing to accept that.

***

"Alex... I like you!" you confessed with flushed cheeks. "I like you more than a friend, which you've maybe figured out already ‘cause I'm awful at hiding it. I just... I just couldn't tell you because I wasn't sure if you felt the same way or if I was just reading into things... I'm tired of keeping my feelings towards you bottled up even if... you really don't see me that way..." You were a bit of a rambling mess but I didn’t care… because you were my rambling mess. In those just few months… you became a part of me. And when we kissed for the first time… my world came to a standstill and narrowed to just us.

Now I am lying on your bare chest, listening to your heart beating as you scratch my head soothingly. Being with someone is something that I thought I never needed. Before I was content with being alone… I just wanted to focus on my art, my work and finishing school. But… now… now that I have you in my arms and I’m not letting you go ever because… I love you with all my heart.


	8. Enough to Make You Go Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac gets some good news but a call from home sours the whole experience

I hear the door open and Craig walks in with his sports bag shouldered. “Hey, bro.”

“Hey! Craig, guess what?” I ask excitedly.

“What’s up?”

“So you know that writing program I applied to over the summer.”

“Mhm.”

“Well, I got a letter from them today and I got in!” I announce proudly.

“Congrats, bro!” He gives me a high five.

“Thanks! I was so nervous that I called Alex while I opened it up. I also may or may not have burst his eardrum when I saw I got accepted.”

“Well now that you’re not busy stressing, it’s time for you to celebrate!”

“Already ahead of you! Alex invited me to dinner tonight and was able to get us a reservation at this fancy restaurant since he worked with the owner.”

“Hell, yeah! Sounds like a good time,” he says as he puts his bag away. “Now, I’m guessing that there’s a good chance of you getting laid tonight, so I shouldn’t wait up for you, right?” he insinuates with a raised eyebrow and smirk.

“Craig! …Yeah, probably not.”

“I thought so,” he giggles. “Alright, I’m gonna hit the shower.”

“That’s a good idea. No offense, bro, but you’re starting to smell like Carl.”

“Awe, don’t remind me,” he whines. “Even if he’s back home, I miss that stinky pup.”

“Same, dude. Same.”

Craig goes into the bathroom and I take the time to assemble my outfit. From what Alex told me, the restaurant is one of those fancy places where they charge a ridiculous amount of money for plates that are smaller than your hand… It’s gonna be fucking awesome!

As I’m finishing up putting on my best blazer, the phone rings. When I pick it up, I hear a cheery voice say, “Hello, _mijo_? Is that you?”

“Mom? Hey, yeah, it’s me,” I confirm.

“Oh, good just making sure. Last time I called, I think I talked for ten minutes before I realized I was talking to your roommate,” she retells.

“Oh, yeah. Craig told me about your riveting story about _Abuelo’s_ hemorrhoids,” I laugh. “So is there an update to that tale or did you need something?”

“I just wanted to see how you were, _amor_ ,” she explains. “I was cleaning the house and found some old photos of you. The nostalgia got me and I just wanted to talk for a little bit. So how’ve you been?”

I smile at her thoughtfulness. “Thanks for checking up on me, Mom. I’ve actually been doing great! I got some really good news today and I’m going to celebrate with Alex.”

“Ooh, what’s the news?”

“I applied to a writer’s program and I got accepted! I know I didn’t mention it before but I just wanted to make sure I had good news to tell you.”

“That’s wonderful! I’m so proud of you, _mi hijito_. Hold on, let me tell your Dad!”

I feel my stomach clench. “Uh, wait. Mom, you don’t have to—“

“Thomas! _Cielo_ , I have something to tell you!” Too late…

“Hmm?” I hear him indifferently grumble. I can see it now without having to be there. He’s sitting at his desk with his greyish-blue eyes glued to whatever he’s working on.

“ _Cielo_ , can you stop working for a second?” my mom requests.

“Anna, please. Can’t it wait? I’m really busy right now?” Surprise, surprise.

“It’s about Isaac. He told me that he got into a writing program! Isn’t that great?”

There’s a pause for a second then a drawn-out sigh. I can visualize it now. He’s putting his pen down to push up his circular glasses. “He’s still with that writing nonsense?” I feel my stomach drop…

“Thomas!” my mother hisses. I can tell she’s trying to muffle the conversation but I can still hear what’s going on. “Can’t you try being supportive of him. He’s your son, _Dios Mio_!”

“What do you want me to say? ‘Congrats, Isaac for choosing a career that won’t get you anywhere.’ I’m sorry but I’m not good at sugar-coating,” he deadpans. Now I feel my jaw clenching and my fists tightening.

“It’s what he likes to do. Can’t you understand that?”

“Well, he won’t like it so much once he has bills to pay. Unless he plans to mooch off that boyfriend of his.” At this point, I’m completely livid. How the hell can you say that so stoically? He doesn’t even know how I hard I worked. I spent hours and hours writing that story for my application, so what the hell does he know?

“You’re unbelievable, Thomas,” she reprimands. “Fine, don’t say anything to him.” I hear some shuffling. “Isaac, are you there?”

“Yep… I’m still here,” I grit.

“Your dad can’t make it to the phone right now. But, uh, he sends his best wishes.”

That’s it. That’s the final straw. “You know what, Mom? You don’t have to lie for him! I know damn well he doesn’t give a shit about me or anything I do!” I snap.

“Isaac, of course, he does—”

Before she can finish I slam the phone down to hang up. I feel my body shaking with rage and my breath is heavy. I grab my keys and leave the room deciding to take a walk so I can cool down.

I thought the fresh air would calm me down but I keep seeing red. He can’t even pretend that he cares. He has to rely on Mom defending him. I’ll never understand how she, a warm, loving person, could fall for a man that has a permanent stick shoved up his ass. God, he even had the nerve to bring Alex into—

Alex… Shit! I check the time and see I still have an hour left. I opt to walk to his place instead of going back. Hopefully, I can meet him there.  

I make it to his apartment and take a deep breath to calm myself down before knocking on his door. I hear footsteps drawing closer. When he opens the door, he looks a little surprised to see me there. To be fair I probably look a little stunned too because he looks amazing. He has on a dark blue blazer, a white button up and some black slacks. His hair is slicked back with gel and I get a waft of cologne. “Isaac? I thought I was supposed to pick you up.”

“Huh? Oh— Sorry. I was distracted by your dapper appearance,” I partially lie. “I thought I’d surprise you.”

He grins, “Well it’s a nice surprise. We actually might be early for once.” He motions me inside and I comply, relieved to be there with him.

I help him pick out a nice tie to go with his outfit and help him put it on. As I work on the knot, my mind drifts back to my dad. I can just imagine that stern disapproving look of his.

“Babe? …You, okay?”

I snap back to reality and smooth down his collar to avoid eye contact. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just, uh… hungry.” Amazing job, Isaac. He’ll totally believe you.

He lifts my chin so that I look at him and he tilts his head at me. “Isaac, we’ve established that you’re an awful liar… I know something is wrong.” Shit, he’s figured out that I cave under his stare.

“I…” I start. “My mom called and I told her about getting into the writing program… She thought it was a good idea to tell my dad and… he couldn’t care less.”

“Oh… Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes lightly.

I shake my head. “I expected him to react that way but…” I feel my eyes start to water. I try to stop myself but tears stream down my face. “Why… Why am I not good enough for him,” I hiccup.

Alex pulls me into a hug and I bury my face in his neck. He strokes my head letting me sob silently. “It’s okay, Isaac. It’s all gonna be okay,” he soothes. “Isaac… Baby, listen to me. If your dad can’t appreciate how hard you’ve been working for this then to Hell with him…” I pull away slightly to look at him. “You don’t have to prove anything to him or anyone for that matter. It’s your life and if he can’t see that, then that’s his fault, not yours…”

He strokes my cheek and I hold his hand against it. He sighs, “I… I spend my whole childhood trying to get my old man’s approval too. For a long time, I thought it was my fault that he didn’t care about me… I thought I deserved all the nasty things he said to me because I thought something was wrong with _me_ …” I listen intently to what he’s telling me. This is the first time that Alex has really said anything about his dad. He had mentioned once to me that he wasn’t in the picture after he moved to Maple Bay but he left it at that and I never pushed it.

He continues, “But now I know he was so wrong. He had no right telling me what to do and what to be… Your father doesn’t have that right either. Just because they’re not happy doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice our happiness… He looks me straight in the eyes. “I want you to remember, Isaac… You’re always enough… Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Not even yourself…”

My heart lurches. “Thank you, Alex…” I cry with a small smile. “That means so much to me.” It means so much to have someone else in my corner. Although I do wish I had my dad's support... I have people in my life that believe in me.

“You don’t have to thank me… I’d do anything to make you smile again because… I love you.”

I’m sure my eyes widen and my mouth falls open. He loves me… He loves me even if I’m a crying mess right now. Tears fall in fat drops but this time it’s out of happiness. “I love you, too Alex. So much!”

He leans in closer and presses his lip against mine in a loving kiss. I sigh into his mouth, completely overwhelmed by what we just confessed to each other… We love each other… I think we’ve known that for a while now even if we never said it… But still… I’m glad that those words are out in the open… It makes real and even more beautiful… I move away from his lips and start kissing neck. I suck lightly on the skin and start tugging off his blazer. Alex backs up slightly until we reach his bed and topple onto it.

I guess that reservation is going to have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mijo/ Mi hijito = my son, Abuelo = grandpa, Dios Mio= My God


	9. Nothing Gold Can Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the prime of Alex and Isaac's relationship, it seems like nothing could bring them down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update on this story! College has been in the pain in the ass so I haven't had much time to write. Thanks for those who have been patient!

_1996_

I wake up to the feeling of the bed moving next to me. I slightly crack my eyelid open and see Alex sat up, rubbing the drowsiness out of his eyes. In the early morning light, I can see his hair is sticking up messily and it looks absolutely adorable on him. He carefully throws the cover off of himself, being mindful not wake me, I think. Before he gets up, I lazily wrap my arms around one of his and cuddle closer to him. “Do you really have to go already?” I ask with a bit of an exaggerated pout.

He raises an eyebrow in surprise, realizing that I’m awake but he smiles at me nonetheless. “You know I do, babe,” he confirms as he leans down to kiss the top of my head.

“Can’t you stay a little while longer,” I request, nuzzling my nose and lips against his bicep. It sounds needy but I can’t help wanting to cling to him. Even though I moved in with Alex, we haven’t gotten much time to ourselves. After he graduated, Alex got promoted to assistant curator and I recently took up a part-time job for the local newspaper so I try to make the time we do have last.

Alex scruffs my hair a bit. “I know you’re trying to tempt me, but I have to hop in the shower and get ready,” he explains.

I leave a few kisses up his arm until our faces meet. “Mind if I join you then?” I ask with a mischievous smile. “You get your shower and I get you. Plus we’d be conserving water so I’d say it’s a good plan if I do say so myself.”

Alex giggles and gently bumps my forehead with his. “Aren’t you considerate?” He plants a small kiss on my nose and offers me his hand. “Fine, fine,” he relents. “But only ‘cause you’re adorable when you’re clingy and sleepy.”

I let go of his arm and take his hand so that he can lead the way.

Inside the bathroom, we strip off our clothes and squeeze inside the stand-in shower. There’s not a lot of space in there for two but it gives us an excuse to be closer so I don’t mind one bit. I wrap Alex in a hug from behind and lift my chin slightly to rest on his shoulder. Alex leans back on me and we sway underneath the warm water in bliss.

My fingers trace the lines of his body as he relaxes into me more. I'm sure I've gotten to know every inch of him but I never get tired of feeling his skin against mine and I can't help crave everything about him. I leave kisses along his shoulder blades, as my hands roam his hips and thighs. As I do, I hear Alex hum in pleasure.

"You like that?" I ask feeling a little smug that I'm turning him on so early in the morning.

He nods his head as he intertwines a hand with mine, bringing it to his lips. I continue to pepper his neck with kisses, eventually grazing my teeth against the skin.

As expected, Alex quietly moans at the sensation. "Keep this up and I'm gonna be late," he breathes, his voice holding no real protest.

"I'll make it worth it," I whisper in his ear as I mouth along the edge of it. "If you'll let me that is." I start caressing his inner thigh ever so slowly then teasingly along his groin.

He lets out a sigh of contentment. "Isaac, babe… do whatever you want."

My heart leaps in excitement at the chance to make him feel good. I see Alex biting his lower lip in anticipation as I finally move my hand to his growing erection. He gasps sharply as I slowly start pumping him. I grind myself against him and Alex grips at the wall with his free hand to use as leverage.

As I pick up the speed, Alex’s moans become heavier and he thrusts his hips to match my pace. I kiss and nip at every part that I can reach, reveling in the noises coming out of his mouth. “God, Alex, I love the sounds you make. Please keep making them for me. Please let me know that I’m treating you right.”

“ _Mmm_ … _Ah_ … Isaac.” He groans, “Fuck… D-don’t stop. I— I’m close.”

I do as he requests and don’t let up until he’s coming undone, no pun intended…. Well, maybe a little.

As Alex pants heavily through the end of his orgasm, he slicks back his dripping hair. Without warning, he whips around and pins me against the wall to kiss me feverishly, which draws an ungraceful yelp from me. “Oh, Alex…I love you…,” I sigh breathlessly in between kisses.

“Love you too…” He slides his hand in between my legs and he gently cups my crotch. “Mind if I return the favor?” he asks enticingly as he strokes my dick with his thumb.

I grind my hips against his hand, “ _Nngh_ , weren’t you worried about being late?”

He leaves a small smooch on my lip and gives me a reassuring smile. “I’ll make an exception for today.”

—

After work, I come back home with a bit of a bounce in my step. Nothing like some sexy shower time with the love of my life to keep me cheerful throughout the whole day. Once inside the apartment, my nose gets hit with the scent of meat and herbs filling the air. I also see that our table is already set with actual plates instead of our usual paper dishware.

“Alex? You home, hon?”

“In the kitchen,” he hollers.

I make my way and see him pulling out the roast beef out of the oven to put on the cooling rack. “Woah, what’s the occasion? That looks delicious!”

Alex leans back on the kitchen counter. “I thought I would surprise you.”

I drape my arms over his shoulders and peck his cheek. “You’re the best! Damn, I should give you a hand job every morning if it means we don’t have to eat take out every day.”

Alex chuckles with a slight blush on his cheek. “Well, _that_ wasn’t necessarily the reason.” He rests his hand on my hips. “It’s just… I realize we’ve been so busy lately and I thought we deserved to treat ourselves. Not that I didn’t appreciate this morning or anything but… I want to be able to savor you.”

“Alex…” I stroke his jaw with my thumb.

“So, Isaac Connors. I hereby promise to always set aside time for us no matter how busy life gets. Even if we have five kids, three dogs and full-time jobs.”

A blush creeps on my face and I smile bashfully. “You… you’d be willing to have five kids and three dogs with me?”

He rubs my lower back. “Of course I would! We’ll need more time to get there but yeah… I want the whole package with you,” Alex assures with a loving kiss to my forehead.

I wrap my arms around his neck. “I want that too with you. Although, I think I’d stop at two of each,” I giggle.

“Alright, we’ll work out the finer details when cross that bridge.”

“I agree. For now, let’s just enjoy our dinner--”

The phone rings and we both laugh at the timing. Alex goes to pick up. “Hello? …Sherry? Hey, how are you? I’ve got to say I’m surprised to be hearing from you?”

I look at Alex and see his face turn from confusion to distress. “When? What happened…?” There’s a drawn out silence. He swallows hard, “T-thanks…for letting me know…” He puts the phone down slowly as if he’s still processing what he heard and I know something isn’t right.

“Alex… Baby, what’s wrong?”

“That was my mom’s friend… My mom… She’s in the hospital…”

I go over to Alex and wrap him in a tight hug.

We put dinner on hold that night… along with Alex’s promise…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point, there will be a definite tone shift for the next few chapter. I'm sorry >.< ! But I felt it was important to challenge the characters and for the development of the story.


	10. I'll Follow You Into the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has to face some hard news and all Isaac can do is be there for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning at end of notes: Spoilers!

The drive to Maple Bay only took a few hours but still…the whole ride was tense. Alex was on edge the whole time and all I could do was hold his hand tightly to let him know I was there for him.

We pull into the parking lot of the hospital and Alex takes a moment to calm down. He sighs deeply and scrubs his face. “I never figured the first time we visited Maple Bay together would be under these circumstances.” He gives me a weak smile, “Guess the marina is gonna have to wait...”

I put my hand on his thigh and give him a reassuring squeeze. “No need to worry about that right now. We’ll have another chance to go… Right now let’s go see how your mom is doing, alright?”

He gives me a short nod, letting out a nervous huff. We get out of the car and make our way inside the building. Alex goes up to the front desk to ask for the room number.  

Alex thanks the women at the front and we take the elevator. We reach the room and peer inside to see Alex’s mom on the hospital bed talking to a woman with a pixie haircut. “How am I supposed to tell him…? It’s going to break his heart…”

“Sherry? …Mom?” Alex calls softly.

They turn their attention to us. Her eyes widen at the sight of her son. “Alex… Sweetheart, how did you know I was…?”

“I called him,” Sherry admits. “I know you didn’t want me to but…he deserved to know what was going on…”

She bows her head. “It’s okay… you did the right thing.” She looks over at Alex, her eyes watery.

Alex goes to her bedside and squeezes her shoulder lightly. “You know I’m always here for you, Ma. No matter what.”

She nods her head and dabs her eyes with a tissue. “I just didn’t want to worry you…” She looks over to me. “Isaac? You came too?”

I smile at her. “Of course. Did ya think I’d miss a chance to see you again?”

“Well, shoot. If I had known, I’d have visitors I would have asked Sherry to bring me a brush at least,” she jokes, lightly patting her curls.

“Don’t worry, you look great, Mrs. Malone.” I compliment. And I’m not lying. She looks as beautiful as Alex painted her. Her dark brown hair may have grey strands threaded throughout but her green eyes and bright smile make her look just as youthful.

“Darlin’ what did I tell you last time? Only my students call me that,” she scolds playfully. “Just call me, Amanda, okay?”

“Sorry, I forgot,” I laugh.

Sherry excuses herself to go get a coffee and to give us some time to talk to Amanda alone.

Alex sits down next to her and holds her hand. “Ma… What happened…? Sherry told me you had a seizure…”

She sighs and puts her hand over his. “Sherry and I were setting up for the recital that the dance studio was hosting. I’d been having pretty bad migraines the past few weeks but this time felt worse... Sherry had told me I should go home but I wanted to finish. All of sudden I felt dizzy and blacked out… I woke up in the ambulance but I don’t remember much of the ride…”

“Do… do they know what caused the seizure?”

She pauses and slowly nods. “They gave me an MRI…” She lifts her hand to his face. “They found a brain tumor… The doctor said that they can’t operate on it… but they’re referring me to an oncologist to see my treatment options.”

Alex’s eyes widen and the color drains from his face. My mind reels at the severity of this situation and I intertwine my hands with Alex.  

“But… You can get better, right?”

“…I don’t know, baby. It’s too soon to tell,” she explains.

I can feel Alex shaking. “Alex…“ I murmur.

“Water.” He shoots up from his seat. “I’m going to get water.”

“Wait, Alex--” I call out, but he exits the room.

Amanda lets out a staggered sigh. “Just give him some time to take in the news… ”

“Mrs. – I mean, Amanda… I’m so sorry… I can’t even imagine what you’re going through…”

I see tears rolling down her face. “You know… I’m scared… I’m scared of dying but mostly…I’m scared for Alex... My mother died a few years ago and I was devastated... I don’t even want to imagine how Alex will feel if I’m not here… It’s just been us for the longest time…” She wipes her tears her away. She holds out her hand and I take it. “Isaac, I know this is a lot to ask but… If…If I can’t beat this… please be there for him… Alex never let himself get close to anyone…” She smiles at me with teary eyes. “Well, that was until he met you… I know this will be hard for him, but I know he can make it through if you’re there.”

“I will… no matter what I’ll stay by his side… I promise.”

“I believe you…” She pats my hand. “Can you go check up on him? Sherry will be back any minute anyway, so I’ll be fine,” she assures.

I nod my head and go to the hallway to look for Alex. It takes me a while but I find him slumped against the wall near a water jug. “Alex… This might sound like a stupid question right now but…are you okay?”

He doesn’t look up at me and only shakes his head. I join him against the wall. “I get if you don’t want to talk, but I want to know… I’m here for you… Whatever you need, I’ll do my best to make things easier for you…”

I see Alex’s shoulders shaking up and down and realize that he’s crying. He leans over and rests his head on my lap. “Please… just hold me,” he croaks.

My heart sinks to my stomach. I’ve never seen Alex so…vulnerable. I cradle him in my arms and let him cry as much as he wants… I want to tell him that everything is going to be alright…but I don’t know if they will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of cancer


	11. Show Me Your Wounds and We’ll Heal Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a rough night, Isaac learns something new about Alex's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of abuse

I toss restlessly in bed as I turn to look at the clock and it reads 12:10 AM. I feel my stomach churn with anxiety as I see the minutes pass by. Alex said he would be back by now and my mind keeps making the worst case scenario. Ever since his mom got diagnosed, he’s been going to Maple Bay more frequently to take care of her. He tries to not make me worry about him but I know this whole situation is hurting him more than he's letting on. I’ve noticed that he hasn’t been working on his art anymore and he’s been smoking a lot more. Even worse, he’s been waking up in middle of the night, screaming. Alex has had bouts of night terrors before but now it’s escalated to the point where it’s almost every night. It breaks my heart to see him so worn down and I feel there’s nothing I can do for him except be here to wrap him in a hug when he gets home… 

I jump up as I hear the phone ring in the living room. I run to answer it and hope to hear Alex on the other side of the line. “Alex?”

There’s a pause on the other side but I eventually hear a slurred plea, “Isaac… Don’t be mad at me… Please don’t be mad at me…”

“Why would I be mad? Where are you?”

“I’m in town… I stopped at a bar… If you don’t hate me right now… can you come pick me up?”

The realization sets in that he’s drunk as fuck right now. Still, I’m just glad he’s still rational enough to call. “Sweetie, of course I don’t hate you. Just tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.”

He drunkenly spews out the name and I write it down. “Alright, stay put. I’ll be there soon.”

“Rodger Dodger,” he hiccups. After he hangs up, I grab my keys and shoes and I head out my door.

-

I basically have to drag Alex back up to the apartment considering he has the motor capacity of a toddler at the moment. I guide him to the bed to lay him down but he doesn’t loosen his grip so I end up tumbling down with him. “Alex, honey, can you let go?” I giggle slightly.

“But if I let go, you’ll leave me,” he whines, his grip still firm in the fabric of my t-shirt.

I kiss his cheek and rub his forehead. “It’s so I can take off your shoes and pants. I’m not going anywhere,” I promise.

He nods, seemingly understanding my request. Once he finally let’s go, I help him get comfortable to go to sleep.

As I slip off his pants, Alex chimes, “I love you, Isaac. You’re so good to me…” The cheeriness in his voice suddenly transitions to a somber tone. “I… I don’t deserve you…”

That sudden outburst catches me off guard. I look up to see his lip quivering and tears streaming down his cheeks. I lie down next to him. “Hey, hey, hey,” I hush gently. “Don’t say that…”

“B-But, I was late and I made you worry... and then you had to go pick my drunk ass up and… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, baby,” he laments, covering his face. “God, I’m just like him.”

I feel a lump grow in my throat. I gingerly grab his wrists and pull his hands from his face so he can look at me. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I love you and I’m never gonna stop loving you anytime soon. What matters is that you’re home, safe and sound.”

He nestles his head into my chest, still sobbing and I hold on to him tightly. His cries start to quiet and his breathing becomes steady. I glance down and realize he’s fast asleep. I give his forehead a kiss and let myself fall asleep too.

-

I wake up in the morning to the sound of heaving and an empty bed. I make my way to the bathroom and see Alex hunched over the toilet. “Fuck,” he groans as he wipes his mouth

“Hold on, I’ll be back.” I rush to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. When I come back, he’s leaned against the wall, rubbing his temples. I rummage through the medicine cabinet and pull out some aspirin for him. I kneel down next to him and hand him the items.

“Thanks, babe. You’re a saint.” He downs the pills with a swig of water.

I rub his shoulder. “Not really,” I chuckle. “I’ve just had enough hangovers to know the drill.”

“Ugh, this fucking blows. I’m never drinking that shit again,” he proclaims.

“What exactly did you drink?” I ask as I go wet a towel with cold water.

“Tequila,” he answers through a gag as if the mere thought makes him sick.

“Well, no wonder you feel like shit. You gotta work your way up to the hard stuff.” I push his sweaty hair out of the way and press the towel against his forehead.

“I guess at the moment it seemed like a good idea…” he confesses. “I just wanted to forget everything for a bit… I guess it worked ‘cause I don’t remember much about last night.” He holds my hand and I see his eyebrow furrow with worry. “Isaac… tell me the truth… I… I didn’t _hurt_ you last night did I?” his voice shaking as he asks.

My eyebrows shoot up. “Wha— Alex of course not!”

His hand trembles in mine and he averts his eyes away. “…I just wanted to make sure…”

“Alex…look at me.” He reluctantly does so. “What made you think that you would hurt me?”

He lets out a shaky sigh. “Cause it’s in my blood…” He leans his head back against the wall. “My dad… was an alcoholic and… he would take it out on me and my mom… Well, mostly my mom… Anytime he would go on a rampage she would hide me in my room until he cooled off… Except for one day, I saw he had her pinned against the wall and I tried to help her… Ended up getting a broken wrist… That’s why we moved to Maple Bay. That’s why I never drank before last night…because I was scared to find out I was just like him.” His eyes start welling with tears.

My heart wrenches at this revelation. Now what he said last night makes more sense. I climb into his lap and cradle his face.  “Now you listen… You are _not_ him. You’ve been through so much these last couple of months and it got to you, that’s it. Don’t you believe for a second that makes you a bad person.”

“I know, I know… it’s just… If I did anything to hurt you… Oh, God—“

“But you didn’t and I know you would never. If anything, you were more clingy than usual,” I assure with a soft smile.

“Really?”

“Yep. Even when you’re wasted, you let me know you love me,” I laugh, scruffing his hair.

A faint smile finally appears. “At least drunk me did something right,” he sniffs as he wipes some tears away. He puts his hand on my waist and rests his head on my shoulder. “I’m so lucky I have you… I don’t think I could get through all of this by myself…”

I rub circles on his backs. “I don’t think luck has much do with what we have. I think we make each other stronger when we’re together.” I kiss the top of his head. “No matter what happens we’ll make it through… because I believe in us.”

He pulls backs and smiles. “I believe in us too…”

He leans for a kiss but I gently cover his mouth. “Alex, my love, I want nothing more than to kiss you but… please brush your teeth first. No offense but you smell like a cheap liquor store.”

Alex blinks at me but a laugh rises from your throat. “Sorry about that.” I climb off and help him up. He pulls me in, pressing our hips together, and purrs lowly, “You know once I’m done, I’m gonna do more than just kiss you, right?”

My cheeks heat up at his suggestion and I nod bashfully. I leave the bathroom to let him clean up and sit on the edge of our bed… I believe in us… I believe we can get through anything… So why can’t I shake this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach?


	12. The Night That I Will Fall for you Over Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac feels he's losing control and needs advice on how to handle the situation

_1997_

It was around Christmas when we got the call late at night… The tumor caused Alex’s mom to have a stroke… She didn’t make it… Alex was inconsolable…

It’s been almost three months since then and to say Alex isn’t coping well… would be a fucking understatement. I go into the kitchen and see Alex leaned against the kitchen counter nursing a cup of coffee, his eyes sunken in from fatigue. I tentatively hug him from behind and lay my head between his shoulder blades. “Morning…”

He lays his mug down and puts his hand over mine. “Morning,” he murmurs.

“So… I was thinking we could do something tonight... Maybe catch a movie?”

I hear him sigh and he turns around to face me. “I can’t…. working late again…” he explains, scrubbing his face.

“Oh…” A sting in my chest starts to build and I choke back the lump in my throat. I put my hands on his chest. “Baby… you can’t keep doing this to yourself… You can’t drown yourself in work… I’m worried about you…”

 He strokes my cheek lightly. “Hey… you don’t have to worry about me… I’m fine.” He tries to give me a strained smile but it falls short.

“Alex…”

“Look…” he sighs. “I promise I’ll make time this weekend for us, okay?”

I want to say bitterly, “ _Just like last week, right?_ ” but I simply nod in agreement.

He pecks my cheek. “I’ll see you later.” I watch him leave out the door, trying to ignore the aching in my heart.

\--

When I come back home from work… I can’t help but feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness… It’s not the first time that I’ve come back to an empty apartment… but today… today I feel it more… I feel as if the silence will crush me if I stay here… I pick up the phone and slowly dial it, then patiently wait for the ringing to stop. There’s a crackle and a familiar voice answers. “Hello?”

“Hey… Wanna meet up for coffee? I don’t really want to be alone right now…”

\--

I got to the café first and ordered an espresso. I sipped at the hot beverage when all of a sudden a hand pats my shoulder. “Bro!” Craig exclaims.

“Hey, buddy. Thanks for coming!”

“Of course, I’ve missed you, man! It’s been a while since the last time we hung out.” He takes a seat across from me.

“Yeah… sorry about that. Life’s just gotten in the way…”

“Yeah, dude, I get it.” The waitress takes his order and we continue talking after she leaves.

“So, how’ve things been for you? How are things with Smashley?”

“Oh, they’re pretty good, actually. We decided to get a place together!” He says cheerily.

“Well, would ya look at that? Kegstand Craig and Smashley, getting all domestic and shit,” I tease.

“Yep, who would’ve thought,” he laughs. “What about you, bro? How have things with Alex been since… you know…?” he asks hesitantly.

“Oh… they’re…” I pause, tracing the rim of the mug with my fingertip. “Not good…” I admit with a gloomy tone. I give Craig the quick breakdown of everything that’s been going on and he listens attentively.

“So that’s it… That’s what’s been going on in my life...”

Craig sips at his drink thoughtfully. “That’s heavy stuff, bro… Have you told him this? Have you told him you feel like he’s pushing you away?”

I stare down at the table and shake my head. “I can’t… I want to but… anytime I want to bring it up… I feel selfish for doing so… He’s the one who lost his mom and pestering him would just add to his problems…” I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.

“Hey. You can’t think like that… Sure, I can’t even imagine what Alex is going through. Hell, I don’t even want to imagine how I would feel if it was _my_ mom but… your feelings matter too.” I look up and see Craig with a serious expression. “You’ve been there for him through it all… you owe it to yourself to tell him how you feel or… you might end up losing him.”

The thought of that absolutely terrifies me, but… “You’re right, Craig…” I mutter. “Thank you…” I smile meekly.

“You’re welcome,” he grins. “And you’re going to tell him today, young man.”

“But D-aad,” I whine jokingly.

“No ‘buts’ about it. And I don’t want to hear back from you until you’re sore from all the make-up sex you’re gonna have.”

Espresso nearly squirts out of my nose as I laugh, clutching at my stomach. “Awe, man. What I’d do without you, Craig?”

He shrugs, “Probably jacking off to a porno or something considering I did give you the initial push to get your man.”

“That’s… a fair enough observation,” I conclude with a chuckle.

\--

I wanted to hang a bit longer with Craig but he insisted not to procrastinate on the matter. Just as I feared, Alex still isn’t home but I try not to dwell on that. I wrap myself in a blanket and write in my journal as I wait on the couch. After a while, I hear the sound of the doorknob turning. I straighten up, my heart beating a mile per second. I’d been mentally rehearsing what I wanted to tell him but now that he’s here… I’m scared that I won’t be able to get through to him.

The door opens and Alex’s eyebrows raise when he sees me on the couch. “Isaac, baby, what are you still doing up? I thought you’d be asleep by now.”

I shake my head and pat the spot next to me. “We need to talk?”

“Sure thing…” He sits down and puts his hand on my knee. “What’s up?”

“You… you keep telling me you’re fine but… I know you’re not… I know losing your mom was hard and I’ve been trying to be here for you but it’s like you’re pushing me away… I barely get to see you anymore and… I miss you...”

“Baby, I know I’ve been busy lately but I’m here every day—”

“Are you? Are you really here?” My voice cracking a bit. “Seems like even when you’re here… you’re too tired to say more than a few words to me, too tired to hum a song for me while I fall asleep… too tired to even make love to me…” My eyes start to water.

“Isaac…” His face starts to crumple and he tightens his grip on my knee.

I pick up my journal and trace the cover. I sniff, “You know… it’s almost been two years since I bought this… Two years since the day we first kissed and it’s almost filled up…” I flip through it. “Some of it has my drafts but most of it… most of it is filled with stories about us.”

Alex’s eyes widen slightly, “R-really…”

I nod. “Yeah… I wrote about the night we met… our first dates… everything…” I huff out a laugh. “I even wrote about the time we went to the amusement park and got on the Ferris wheel. You had failed to mention to me that you were afraid of heights and you nearly passed out when we reached the top.”

Alex laughs with tearful eyes...the most genuine smile I’ve seen him give me in a while. He scoots in closer and takes my hand in his. “You’d never been on one and you looked so excited, I couldn’t say no.”

I smile at him but it quickly falters. "I've written so much about us... but I haven't had much to write about us these past months though," I murmur while I stare at the blank pages. "You told me at one point that you wanted the whole the package with me... Does that offer still stand...?" Tears are now streaming down my face. 

He cradles my face. "Hey, of course it does," he tries to reassure.

"Then talk to me... Don’t shut me out… Even if you wanna tell me you think I'm not doing enough to help you.”

"No, no, no! I don’t think that at all! Isaac… Fuck!” he huffs, running his fingers through his hair. “You— you’ve done everything right! I’m the one who can’t think straight right now and I’ve been doing things all wrong.” Tears of frustration start to brim his eyes. “You’re right, I… after Ma died… I shut myself in my work so I wouldn’t have to think about all the things she’s going to miss out in my life… That— that’s no excuse though! That’s n-no excuse for making you feel like I abandoned you,” he whimpers. “Please forgive me, Isaac.”

We’re both weeping at this point and I wrap my arms around him, not wanting to let us slip apart anymore. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” I hiccup, burying my head in his chest. “I love you so much… of course, I forgive you…”

A sigh of relief pass Alex’s lips and he hugs my back tightly. “I know I broke my promise but… never again. Never again because you are the most important thing in my life. You’ve been by my side through everything and that’s how I want it to be always…”

Alex pulls away from me to slink off the couch, kneeling in front of me. “I was going wait until you graduated but… I don’t want to put this off anymore.” I watch Alex with wide-eyes as he twists his graduation ring off his finger. It's a silver band with a blue topaz in the center; a gift from Amanda… He holds my now shaking hand and proposes with a soft smile, “Marry me?”

My breath hitches and I stare at him in disbelief. “Alex… Are you serious?” I gasp.

“Isaac Connors, I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. I want to relentlessly torture you with my bad movie impersonations. I want to hear you singing in the shower like you’re in a recording studio. I want to spend the rest of my life with you until we’re shriveled up old guys.” He slips the ring on my left hand. It's a little big on me but I don't really care at the moment. "So what do you say? Be mine officially?" 

I stare dumbly at the ring and back at Alex. "Yes! Of course!" I lunge forward and topple him over in a hug. He laughs breathlessly on the carpet as I scatter kisses all over his face. I pull away and hover over him; all my focus going to his eyes. After all this time, there’s warmth in those brown eyes again. My lips gravitate towards him and it feels like our first kiss all over again… The longing is finally quenched and it’s just us in the world.

\--

“Morning,” I greet over the phone.

“Hey, how’d it go?” Craig asks curiously. “You better be sore if you’re calling!”

“Y’know I do have more resilience than you think, _grosero_ _,"_ I quip. "Although, I am calling for an important reason.”

“Spill it then,” he demands, intrigued.

I look down at my ring finger and smile to myself. “How would you like to be my best man?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo that happened ;)  
> grosero= rude person


	13. House of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter for Isaac and Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! Sorry for the long wait on this story and thanks to whoever is still reading <3 I was super busy with college and had a bad case of writer’s block. On the bright side, ya girl is officially a college graduate and I am now out of my writing slump! Hooray! \\( ^_^ )/ My hope is that I keep get more consistent uploads from now on so fingers crossed!
> 
> So there’s gonna be a gap in events, but hear me out. I opted on skipping the wedding for the plain simple reason that weddings bore me (writing them even more so). I just didn’t want to put out a chapter that I wasn’t feeling. However, here’s the quick run-down of what has happened leading up to this point: They got married in January of 1998 (‘cause Alex wanted to give Isaac a winter wedding). Realistically, they couldn’t get “legally” married at this time but they still had a small ceremony. Nathan was Alex’s best man and Craig was Isaac’s. By now, Isaac has graduated with a degree in creative writing.

_1998_

“Dearest husband of mine, can you hand me the packing tape?” I chime to Alex. We’re sat on the living room floor, putting away the last of our belongings.

Alex gleams at me and complies with my request. “You’re never gonna get tired of calling me that are you?”

“Absolutely not,” I confirm cheerily. I seal up the box that I’m working on and look at the rest scattered throughout our apartment. I give a little whistle. "How did we manage to accumulate this much stuff?"

"I think that's mostly my fault. I'm sure half of it is art supplies," he reasons. "Besides, all these boxes are gonna seem like nothing once they're in the house."

"Ooh, another hint. It's at least bigger than 500 square feet then. Any more details that you would like to slip out, Mr. Connors," I tease. 

He nudges my shoulder. "Fret not, love of mine. The movers will be here in a bit and in a few hours you'll see it yourself."

I pout a bit at this. Alex had insisted on keeping the new house a surprise but dammit I wanna know already!

He moves closer to me and strokes my chin lightly. "Hey, I promise... You’re gonna love it."

"You know I believe you," I say kissing his hand. 

The movers arrive on time and they slowly start to take things down to the moving truck. The last of the boxes are taken away and I look at the emptiness of it all. I can't help but sigh. 

Alex wraps his hand around my shoulder. "You alright?"

"Hmm... yeah I am. Just a little bummed, I guess. We made so many memories here... it's hard to say goodbye, you know?" I elaborate.

"Yeah, I know what you mean..." He rests his head against mine.

“We’ll just have to make new memories.” I look up at him and give him a small smile. He reciprocates it and gives me a quick kiss. We step outside and close the door, ready to take on the new chapter of our life.

As we get closer to Maple Bay, my knee bounces up and down in excitement. Alex managed to get a job as the curator for the local art museum and he couldn’t be happier. I had reservations about moving there given everything that happened in the past year. However, Alex had assured me that there were more good memories than bad ones and wanted that to continue. I couldn’t argue with that and I happily agreed.

As the familiar townscape comes into view, Alex turns to me slightly. “Hey, I hate having to delay the house reveal but I wanna make a quick detour.”

I groan, a little begrudgingly, but I oblige. The small shops and cookie-cutter suburban houses start to dwindle as we drive past downtown. Alex turns one final corner and eyes are met with a whole new scenery. My eyes widen as I see foaming waves crashing onto the pale sand. My gaze shifts and I can see the marina off to the corner and it is just like Alex painted it. “Alex… It’s beautiful…”

“I know I’m a little late on that promise but… better late than never I guess,” he says giving me a smile. He ushers me out of the car and we make our way towards the bayside, our hands intertwined. There’s a slight breeze out and I can taste the subtle saltiness of the ocean in the air. Despite the wonderful view, my attention ultimately falls on my husband. Alex has his eyes closed as he listens to the rumbling water, his breath synchronized with the swell of the waves. I stare at him fondly, not believing that we’ve made it this far together.

Alex turns his head and catches me watching him. He smiles at me sweetly. “See something you like?” he teases.

“Just some handsome guy.” I peck his lips lightly.

Alex snorts slightly. “Oh, God. We’re _that_ couple now.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Please, we’ve always been that couple. Now we just have matching rings,” I quip.

He giggles, leaning in to kiss my temple. “Alright, alright. So, you ready to go see our new home?”

I grin at him widely. “Lead the way.”

-

We sit on the wooden floor, eating our take-out in the center of the empty house. Alex wasn’t kidding about the amount of space we would have. I nearly lost my shit when I saw that it was a two-story house. The house was everything I could ever dream of and more… A blank canvas for us to start our new life.

“The furniture we ordered should get here by tomorrow morning, so pretty soon it’ll resemble an actual house,” Alex reassures me, slurping up some noodles.

“Great! It’d be nice to put the dining hall to use and y’know _not_ sleep on an inflatable bed.”

“Couldn’t agree more.” Alex puts down his take-out carton and meets my gaze warmly.

I quirk an eyebrow at him. “What?”

“I love you,” he states simply.

No matter how many times he tells me, I still blush and feel my stomach flutter. “Back at you,” I smile.

Alex cups my face, gently rubbing our noses together. My breath hitches at the sensation and I put my own food aside. As he captures my lips in his, I recline on my back so that Alex can hover over me, our bodies pressing close together. The kiss deepens and soft keens spill from our lips. I weave my fingers through his hair, still unfamiliar with the feeling of the shortened locks. With my other hand, I hike up the bottom of his shirt slightly, rubbing small circles on his hip bone.

Alex takes the hint and proceeds to pull his baseball-tee over his head. After discarding his shirt, he latches on to my neck. “Ah!” I squeak.

He chuckles, almost smugly, as he kisses the love-bite he left behind. “Sorry, baby.”

“N-no, you know I don’t mind,” I assure breathlessly, bucking my hips up to meet his. He moans at this and he attacks my lips again. As I run my hands down his shoulder to his arm, my fingertips brush against a foreign shape. I outline the object and it’s a small square shape. I pull back from the kiss. “Alex? What’s on your arm?”

“Huh?” he pants looking at what I’m referring to. I look too and see a beige patch on his upper arm. “O-oh, that… I must’ve forgotten to take it off before we left,” he explains. Alex peels off the patch and throws it in one of the empty containers.

I prop myself on my elbows. “What is it?”

Alex sits up still straddling my hips. “Nicotine patch. Trying to kick the ol’ smoking habit. Thought I’d wait a few weeks before telling you in case I relapsed again,” he elaborates, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh,” I dumbly state. “Hmm, I thought your kisses were tasting better,” I joke.

He playfully flicks my nose. “Hey, you love my kisses no matter what.”

“True,” I laugh. I tilt my head at him. “I’m glad you’re trying to quit but why now? Was it the move?”

“Umm, that was part of why but I have other reasons… Remember, when we met… I said I was here for good time not a long time.” I nod my head at him. “Well, that was true back then because… I just had to worry myself but now…” He brushes a strand of hair from my face. “It’s you and me and… I wanna be around as long as possible, Isaac.”

My heart swells and I press his hand to my face. “Alex…”

He strokes my jaw lightly but he nervously glances his eyes away from me. “Also, uh, pretty soon, maybe, it won’t just be us,” he murmurs. He sneaks a glimpse at me to gauge my reaction.

My eyes widen at what he’s suggesting. With a serious tone I ask, “Alex… are you pregnant?”

He blinks at me caught off guard my question. Alex clasps a hand over his hand trying to tame the fit of giggles that was about to ensue but to no avail. His body is wracked with laughter and he leans forward to rest his head on my chest. “Oh, God, Isaac! I love you so much!” he exclaims between breathy laughs. He looks up at me wiping away a tear from the corner of his eye. “Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not pregnant… But I’ve been thinking seriously and… I wanna adopt a baby with you.”

I feel my heart skips a beat. All I manage to get out is, “R… really?”

“Yes… It doesn’t have to be tomorrow or anything but once we settle in here… I want to start a family with you, Isaac.”

Before I realize it, I lunge forward and tackle him in a hug. “I want that too!” I pepper his face with kisses. “I want us to paint the nursery together. I want us to wake up early on Christmas mornings to see our kids’ faces light up. I want us to take them to their first day of school. I want everything.”

As I nestle my head in his neck, Alex rubs my scalp soothingly. “I guess it’s settled then,” he agrees with that toothy smile of his.

I let out a sigh of contentment… This really is the start of something new.


	14. If We Hold on Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new member joins the family

_1999_

“Hon, where’s my jacket?” Alex calls from upstairs.

“Oh, you mean the one you’ve been wearing almost every day since I got it for you! It’s in the dryer. I was not gonna let you meet the baby with a dirty jacket.”

“I highly doubt it’ll be paying much attention to my wardrobe, but I appreciate the sentiment,” he responds as he makes his way down the steps.

While he’s in the laundry room, I’m in the living room making sure I put everything in the diaper bag: bottles, blanket, binky… Wait where’s the baby’s present? “Alex, where’s—“

“Forget something,” Alex chimes and I nearly jump out of my skin. I spin around to see Alex with his jacket shouldered. “Oops, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he chuckles.

 “It’s fine. I just can’t find the baby’s present. I could have sworn I put in the bag already.”

Alex takes his hand from behind his back to reveal a stuffed panda bear. He grins at me, “You left it on top of the dryer.”

I take the fluffy toy from him. “You’re a lifesaver,” I say giving him a kiss on the cheek. I examine the bear in my hand. “Do you think the baby will like it?”

“I’m sure it’ll love it,” Alex assures confidently.

After I put the toy away, I take Alex’s hand into mine. “God, I’m so nervous, Alex.” When the adoption agency called us to tell us the birth mother was in labor, I had a mini-heart attack. But Alex… he’s been so calm about everything. Not just with the fact our baby is about to be born but the whole process itself.

He strokes my chin tenderly. “Hey… We’ve got this. Remember… I believe in us.”

I smile back at him. “I know.”

“Now let’s go meet our baby.”

-

In the waiting room of the hospital, I’m shaking my leg uncontrollably and chewing on my nails. That is until Alex rubs my thigh softly trying to relieve some of my anxiety.

Suddenly a nurse comes in. “Isaac and Alex Connors?”

I basically shoot up from my seat as she approaches us. I start, “Is everything okay? Is the baby alright?”

The nurse smiles sweetly, “Yes, the baby is perfectly fine.”

Alex squeezes my shoulder and I let out a sigh of relief.

“Would you like to meet your daughter?” She asks.

Our daughter… Both of us nod ecstatically.

The nurse leads us down a corridor until we reach the hospital nursery. She leaves us a moment and when she returns, she’s holding a bundled up baby. “Who would like to hold her?”

Alex looks at me and smiles. “I think you should first,” he encourages.

“Really?” I ask still unsure.

Alex gives me a thumbs up. The nurse passes her over to me carefully as to not disturb her while she sleeps. I take in all the features of this tiny human in my arms. She has tufts of brown hair, tan skin, a button nose and… I giggle as I look back at Alex. “She— she has freckles just like you,” I reveal to him. I bring her closer to him so that he can see for himself

Alex looks down and strokes her pudgy cheek with the back of his finger. “Now will you look at that,” he whispers, that soft smile of his plastered on his face.

I rub her head, tears pooling in the corner of my eyes. “Do you wanna hold her now?”

Alex accepts hurriedly and I pass her to him. “Hi, Amanda… We’re your daddies,” Alex says softly as he rubs her head gently.

I grab the camera from the bag quickly. “Smile,” I instruct Alex.

He looks up at me and gives me the widest smile possible as I snap the picture. The camera dispenses out the Polaroid with a quiet buzz. As the image develops, I look at the image before me… My husband and now my daughter… It’s something I thought I could only dream about. “This one’s a keeper.”

-

Once the doctors give us the okay, we are able to take Amanda home and we buckle her up in the car. I slide into the driver’s seat and watch her sleep peacefully from the rearview mirror. “I still cannot believe this, Alex. We’re dads…”

Alex looks back at her. “I know… But trust me if we don’t believe it now, all those sleepless nights that await us are gonna make it very real,” he chuckles.

“Very true.” I put the car in reverse ready to pull out of the parking spot. “Well, Mom has already offered to watch over Amanda if we ever need a break. Truthfully, I think it’s just her excuse to spend more time with—“

Suddenly we feel the car jolt and a loud crash reverberates in our ears. “Shit!” I shout.

“What the hell?” Alex exclaims.

In the backseat, we hear Amanda wailing and my blood runs cold. “Shit, shit, shit! Oh my God, Alex, is she hurt?”

“Isaac, she’s fine. We’re fine. The sound just scared her that’s all,” Alex explains.

I know he is trying to be the rational one but my mind is reeling. “Fuck, Alex! I crashed the fucking car!” I cry burying my face in my hand. “Goddammit! How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to be a good father, if I can’t even do this right! If I can’t even leave the parking lot without getting into a fucking car crash—“

Alex cuts me off by grabbing my hand. “Isaac look at me, baby.” I turn my head to him, a tear streaming down my cheek. In a soothing tone, Alex tells me, “It’s okay. It’s all gonna be okay.”

As soon as he says that, it’s like a switch goes off in my head. Despite the commotion: Amanda sobbing and the lady we crashed into apologizing profusely in the background… Alex is still calm. Because everything _is_ okay… It’s okay because we’re safe… safe and together.

I take a deep breath and sniffle, “You’re right… You’re right, Alex… Sorry, for freaking out on you.”

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for.” He wipes the tear away and kisses my forehead. “Listen, I’m gonna take a look at the damage while you stay with Amanda, okay?”

I nod my head at him and he gives my hand one last kiss before exiting the car. I crawl to the back seat and take Amanda out of the car seat. I rock her in my slightly shaking arms, calmly shushing her. Slowly her cries die down to a few quiet whimpers and I kiss her cheek.

I observe Alex through the car window in awe. I watch him be composed with the old women as he tries to calm her down as well… This is the man I married… The man I now have a child with… The man I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with… I couldn’t ask for more.

At the end of the day, the “crash” was nothing more than a slight dent in the bumper. Nothing the insurance company wouldn’t take care of…

So we go home with our daughter and a good story to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Headcanon: Isaac and Alex had already decided on Amanda if the baby was a girl and Alan if it was a boy


	15. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A domestic slice of life in the Connors household

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short but I just wanted to add a fluffy intermission of sorts. The next chapter will definitely be longer!

_2004_

A shiver runs through my spine from the subtle nip in the air. Despite the lethargy I feel, I peel my eyes open and see the grey light of the early morning peeking through the window. My chilled body is met with warmth as Alex rests his arm over my chest and slings his leg over mine. I try not giggle as he softly snores in my ear and I snuggle closer to his body heat.

Suddenly, I hear a shuffle of feet on the carpet outside our bedroom. I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. The door creaks open and the pitter-patter draws closer. “Dad? Daddy? Wake up, you guys,” Amanda commands in a hushed voice.

I maintain my ruse keeping my eyes shut and I can sense Amanda’s impatience growing. A pair of small hands meet my shoulder and she gently shakes me. “Wake up!” she whispers, a little hoarser now. “I wanna see if Santa came!”

I let my head droop and my tongue loll out.

“Daaaddd,” Amanda whines. “Come on, stop being dead.” I can practically see her pouting through my eyelids. Still, I continue with my act.

Amanda huffs, “Fine.” I can hear her making her way to Alex’s side of the bed. “Daddy, wake up!”

I feel Alex shift next to me. “What’s up, Panda?” he rasps.

“Dad is dead again. You gotta wake him,” she instructs.

Alex giggles, “Is he now?” He takes his arm off of me and sits up. “That’s the third time this week. What should I do, Panda?”

“True love’s kiss, Daddy! That’s, like, what all Princes do!”

“Alright, I’ll do my best,” he promises. I feel Alex lean over and feel the weight of his body as he drapes over me. He turns my head slightly and his breath ghosts my lips ever so gently. I expect the warmth of his lips but instead, I feel his fingers tickle the nape of my neck.

My body writhes at the unpleasant touch like I received an electric shock. “Ack!” I shriek, jolting up and gently swatting away his hand. “Okay! Okay! I’m up!”

Both Alex and Amanda laugh at my misfortune. “Yay! You did it, Daddy,” Amanda cheers, clapping her hands.

I glare at Alex incredulously. “I feel betrayed.”

“Sorry, babe. I did bring you back to life though,” he shrugs with a little smirk. He leans in and this time he actually gives me a chaste kiss on the lips.

Amanda climbs on to the bed and jumps up and down on it. “Let’s go! I wanna see my Christmas presents!”

Alex grabs her, wrapping her in a hug as she giggles happily. “Okay, Manda! Let’s go see what Santa brought.”

“Woohoo!” She clambers out of his arms and hops on my back. I let out a little _ooph_ but she doesn’t seem to notice. “Let’s go my trusty knight!” she orders, pointing her finger toward the door. “The princess must see her new treasures.”

“As you wish, Princess Amanda,” I chuckle, picking her legs up to give her a piggyback ride. Following her direction, we head downstairs to start our Christmas day.

 

After Amanda is done with her presents, the living room looks like a tornado came in full force. Since it’s too cold to go outside, she’s been taking a few laps around the kitchen island on her new scooter. As Amanda tries out her new gift, I stoke the flames in the fireplace. Alex comes to join me with two cups of coffee at hand and passes one over to me. “Thanks, hon,” I say.

I sidle up next to him and I wrap my arm around his waist. I close my eyes slightly taking all the sounds: Amanda scootering in the kitchen with her new best friend, Sir Horsington the Brave, the fire crackling and Alex slowly sipping his coffee. I let out a breathy exhale.

“Hey, you falling asleep on me?” Alex asks, slightly nudging me with his elbow.

I shake my head and rest it on his shoulder. “No, I’m just… happy.” I rub my arm up and down his side, internally grateful for this bliss. Growing up, Christmas had always been so chaotic with my family. Not that there weren’t happy moments between all the chaos, but still… it’s nice to be able to spend it with _just_ Alex and Amanda now.

“Me too,” Alex agrees, kissing my forehead.

“Dad! Daddy!” Amanda calls out.

“Yes, sweetie?” I ask back.

“Sir Horsington says that he’s hungry!”

“Oh, really?”

“Yep! He says he wants double chocolate chip pancakes with whip cream and looootttsss of maple syrup,” she lists.

Alex stifles his giggle. “Well, if Sir Horsington says so, I guess we’re just gonna have to get started.”

Amanda joyfully hoots. “Shall we go make breakfast for Sir Horsington, my prince,” I quip.

“Of course, my sweet knight,” he beams.


	16. Perfection is For Those Foolish Enough to Believe in it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac and Alex butt heads when it comes to disciplining Amanda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, this is probably one of my favorite chapters that I wrote so I hope that you guys like it ^_^
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Homophobic slur and discussions of homophobia

_2009_

“Dad where’s the glitter?” Amanda asks me.

“You left it on the coffee table, Panda.”

“Got it! Thanks, Pops! You’re a lifesaver,” she compliments giving me finger guns.

“Amanda, will you please get your breakfast! You’re gonna be late,” Alex warns.

“I know, Dad! I just gotta put the finishing touches!”

Alex serves himself coffee and sits down next to me. I pat Alex’s hand. “Let her be. She’s a perfectionist like her dad.”

“And she misplaces everything like her other dad,” he retorts with a wink.

Amanda scuttles into the dining room with her poster board. “Voila! Dads I present you the Connors family poster!” She flips the board to reveal “TEAM CONNORS” in glittery text. Underneath there are family pictures; most of which she took herself with her disposable camera.

“Wow, it’s amazing Manda Panda,” I praise.

“It’s great, Panda! You picked the perfect pictures,” he compliments as he scruffs her hair.

“Thanks! It’s pretty awesome if I do say so myself!”

“Now, will you please eat your breakfast? You’re gonna need energy to present your masterpiece.”

“Fine, fine.” She joins us at the table and starts spooning mouthfuls of cereal.

“Woah, kiddo! Don’t inhale it,” I joke.

“Sorry, Pops. I’m just excited,” she answers between bites.

Alex puts his dishes in the sink. “Well, excitement should not be a choking hazard.” He grabs his keys and Amanda’s backpack. “Okay, let’s blow this joint, Panda. Or else we’ll both be late.”

Amanda nods her head taking one last sip of orange juice. “Bye, Dad!” She gives me a peck on the cheek before grabbing her backpack. “Let’s go, Daddy-O!”

Alex gives me a kiss goodbye before making his way out the door. “Have a good day, you two!”

-

I sit in my office typing away on my laptop. My editor gave me a deadline and well… I may have procrastinated a bit.

My work is halted by my cell phone ringing. The number was from Amanda’s school. “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Amanda Connors father?” asks the women on the other end.

“Yep, that’s me,” I confirm. “Is everything alright?”

“Well, there was an incident that Amanda was involved in. We need you to come down to the school.

My heart starts thumping. “Is she okay? What happened?”

“She’s fine but she’s in the principal’s office. He’ll give you more detail when you arrive.”

“Um, okay, thanks.” I hang up the phone still trying to figure out what happened. I shoot Alex a text telling him what happened and he agrees to come pick me up so we can go to the school.

-

As we near the principal’s office, we see Amanda outside with her head down, watching her feet swing back and forth.

“Amanda,” I call out.

Amanda looks up with a slight frown. “Hi, Pops. Hi Daddy-O,” she murmurs.

Alex kneels down to meet her gaze. “Hey, Panda. What happened?”

She sighs, “I’m sure Principal Doug will tell you all about it.”

The way she says that worries me even more. Instead of wondering further, Alex and I enter the principal’s office to discuss it with him in private.

Principal Doug ushers us to sit down. “So, gentleman, I assume you’re confused as to why we called you.” We nod our heads in tandem. “Well, you see, Amanda pushed a boy in the playground and the boy ended up getting hurt. Nothing major, just a few scrapes but as you can imagine it warranted concern.”

“What?” Alex asks in disbelief.

“But, Amanda, she wouldn’t do something like that!” I defend.

“I know, I know. Amanda has never given us any problems before. She explained to me that the boy was teasing her over a presentation. Still, as you might understand that doesn’t excuse her for getting physical.”

“But if the boy was making fun of her why is she—“

“We understand,” Alex interjects. “So…what are the consequences?”

“Amanda will stay after school in the detention hall for the remainder of the week. For today, you can take her home early.”

I want to protest but Alex agrees to the terms. We shake his hand goodbye and head out the door.

“Come on, Amanda Ann. We’re going home,” Alex directs.

She nods her head, a little dejected at hearing her middle name being used. I take her by the hand and gently guide her down the hall.

“Okay, Manda. Not cool. We expect better from you,” Alex scolds once we’re in the car.

“Hon, can’t we wait ‘til we get home for this.” Alex quirks an eyebrow at me.

Amanda chimes, “That jerk had it coming. I’m not even sorry… Okay, that’s a lie I’m sorry I got in trouble but not that I pushed him. Emma even thought I was cool for doing it.”

“Amanda!” Alex reprimands. From the rearview mirror I can see her pouting, her eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s true though. He deserved it.”

Alex tsks. “Why cause didn’t like your poster board. That’s not a good reason.”

Amanda rolls her eyes at him. “He wasn’t making fun of my poster board. He was making fun of _us_ ,” she emphasizes.

“What do you mean, Panda,” I press.

Amanda is staring out the window. “He was making fun of me for having two dads,” she deadpans. “…He said fags burn in hell…” I see her quickly wipe away a tear.

“Oh, honey…”

I see Alex rubbing his temple (I’m sure he’s getting a migraine). “Listen, Amanda… I’m sorry that he hurt your feelings. You have every right to be mad and that word is definitely _not_ okay but you shouldn’t have pushed him for that.”

“But, Dad—“

“No ‘buts’, Panda. You could have gone to a teacher to tell them what happened.”

I finally intervene. “Oh come on, Alex. She was just defending herself. What would’ve the teacher done? Give him a warning?”

Alex turns to me with a look of bewilderment at the fact that I just undermined what he was saying. “Maybe. Maybe not. But if she had, she wouldn’t be the one that’s in trouble,” he explains with an edge to his tone. Alex starts the car. “We’ll discuss this when we get home,” he tells me. “And you young lady, we’ll discuss your punishment as well.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

It was a silent drive home.

Once we get to the house, Amanda storms up the stairs and slams her door shut.

“Well, we got our first door slam. That’s a parental achievement,” I comment dryly, making my way upstairs.

“Isaac. We need to talk.”

I stop dead in my tracks and turn to face him. Alex has his arms folded, his lips in a thin line. “About what?” I huff.

“You know what. What the hell was that in the car? You were practically congratulating her for getting into a fight.”

I straighten myself defensively. “I was not. I just said she had the right to defend herself.”

“Not by pushing someone, Isaac. We can’t teach her that violence is the way to solve her problems.”

I roll my eyes. “A push is hardly ‘violence’ don’t you think?”

“Isaac! That’s not the point. What if she gets into a bigger fight?”

“Well if people are being shitheads, like that kid, why shouldn’t she?” My voice is getting higher at this point. “I just want her to be safe! To protect herself!”

“What and you think I don’t? I want her to be safe and happy but not by stepping over other people—“

“Well, fuck me, right?! I’m sorry that I don’t want our daughter to go through the same shit I did!” The words slip out before I can stop them… Word vomit one might say.

A tense silence falls between us. I push my hair back with a trembling hand. “Shit.”

Alex tries to reach out toward me but I step back. “I… I need to be alone…” I start going upstairs.

“Isaac… Isaac, please don’t walk away like this. We need to talk about this,” he pleas.

“Alex, please, not now!” I go into the bedroom, locking the door behind me. I hear Alex knocking on the door but I just curl up on the bed, tears freely falling now.

-

I’m not sure how much time goes by but I notice the sun is starting to set. Alex had given up on knocking on the door. However, I hear footsteps outside again. Then I hear something being slipped underneath the door. I wipe some tears away and go to the door. There is a folded up piece of paper and I pick it up gingerly to unfold it. The note reads “Truce?” I huff out a small laugh.

I tentatively open the door and see Alex sat against the wall of the hallway. “Hey,” he tries.

“Hey,” I answer dully.

Alex gets up from the floor but still gives me my space. However, I close that space by wrapping him in a hug and burying my face in the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I whimper.

He tangles his finger in hair, rubbing my scalp. “Shh, shh. I’m sorry too,” he coos softly. “Are you okay?”

I pull away slightly, letting out a staggered sigh and nodding. Alex takes my hand, leading me to the bedroom and sitting us down on the foot of the bed. He rubs circles in my hand. “Do you want to talk about it? About…what you meant by the ‘same shit as you’?”

I try to compose myself. “In middle school, there was a guy I used to hang out with… I guess you could say he was my first ‘boyfriend’,” I laugh bitterly. “…Long story short, I wanted to come out… he didn’t. Which was fine until… he threw me under the bus with his friends to throw suspicion off himself… One black eye and busted lip later, I had to tell Mom and Dad that I got beat up for being gay… Not exactly how I planned on telling them…”

Alex squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through that…”

I shrug. “It’s in the past… I just never thought it would’ve affected me even now…”

Alex leans into me. “It’s not your fault… No matter what there will always be assholes who can’t accept us for who we are.” He sighs, “Y’know… I thought I could fight everyone who had a problem with me and it got me into a ton of trouble. I even got suspended a few times for it…”

“I didn’t know that…”

“Well, those weren’t some of my finer moments… The last time I got suspended was when Ma finally set things straight with me. She told me that no matter how many punches I threw, no matter how much I kicked and screamed at them, closed-minded people would never change. And the harder I tried to change them through force… the angrier I would become to see it didn’t work... So she told me I had to learn to tune them out or else I’d spend the rest of my life trying to convince them of something they weren’t willing to accept… It seemed unfair but I knew she had a point…”

“…Your mom was fucking awesome.”

Alex chuckles at that. “Yeah, yeah she was….”

“And she was right…” I admit. “I shouldn’t have told Amanda it was okay what she did…”

“Well… I shouldn’t have been so tough on her either… Guess we both messed up a little today.”

“It was bound to happen sooner or later, especially with us,” I chuckle.

Alex nuzzles his head on my neck. “Wait until she’s a teenager. It’ll probably get worse.”

I wrap my arm around his shoulder. “We should go and talk to her together…”

“Yeah…together.”

-

We knock on the door but get no answer so we crack it open so I can show her the slice of chocolate cake we brought as a peace offering.

“Truce?” Alex calls out to her.

There’s a silence until, finally, she answers, “Truce.”

We enter her room and she’s hugging her pillow, her eyes a little puffy. “Hey, Panda… We need to talk,” I explain.

“I know… You guys are getting divorced ‘cause of me,” she croaks, tears welling in her eyes.

We rush to her and I put her on my lap. “No, no, no, Panda. That’s not it all.”

“Your Pops and I aren’t getting a divorce,” Alex assures her, rubbing the tears from her cheeks.

“B-but I heard you guys fighting because I got in trouble.”

I rub her back soothingly. “No, Amanda, that’s not what happened. Look… you’re Dad and I we’re not gonna always agree on things… Today we didn’t agree on how to handle your situation and that’s on us not you, okay?”

“So, you still love me after what I did?” she cries.

“Of course, we love you, Panda. We’ll always love you,” Alex promises.

She gives us both a hug, still sniveling. “I love you too.”

We all calm down a bit before getting serious again. “Listen, Panda, you went too far by pushing that kid…”

“But I was too harsh on you,” Alex adds. “I just wanted you to understand that there will always be people who don’t understand our family and you can’t go hurting people that hurt you.”

“You gotta learn not to care what they say and just… tune them out,” I advise. “Next time, if things get really bad, you need to go get help from an adult, okay sweetheart.”

Amanda nods wiping some snot away. “I understand… Am I still getting punished?”

Alex sighs, “I think the school gave you a fair enough punishment, so we’re not going to add it.” He gives her a kiss on the forehead.

“Thanks, Daddy-O,” she sniffles. “…Team Connors?”

We both smile at her. “Team Connors.”

“Now can we please have cake? All this crying made hungry!”

We dig into the cake and spend the rest of the night laughing and debating about the existence of Bigfoot. I don’t exactly know at what point we fell asleep but the next morning I woke up to Alex and Amanda cuddled next to me… If only I could make this moment last forever.


	17. There is Never a Good Time to Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has to go on business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter I dreaded to write...

_2012_

“I’m serious, babe. This guy was awesome! He had a full-blown Victorian outfit on and he spoke like he came from the 1800s,” Alex retells as he’s packing up.

“You sure he didn’t? He could have been a vampire for all you know,” I yell back from the bathroom as I brush my hair.

“Well, if he was I’m not gonna judge him. Vampires can like art too apparently. He said he wanted to commission an oil portrait from me once I got back.”

“That’s great! Just wear a turtleneck when you work on it though, just in case,” I caution jokingly.

Alex steps into the bathroom with me and wraps his arms around me from behind. “I can’t make any promises.” He spins me around and hoists me up on the bathroom counter.

“Woah,” I giggle. “Hey, there, handsome.” I put my hands on his shoulder and he puts his on my hips.

“Hey, yourself… So, you gonna miss me this weekend while I’m at the art fair?”

“Obviously. Who else is gonna stop me from setting the house on fire?”

Alex nibbles the skin below my ear, spreading my legs open. “Is that all you’re gonna miss?

I gasp as Alex grinds against me. I wrap my arm around his neck to bring him closer. “Yep, _ah_ , that’s all,” I sigh.

“You sure?” He presses harder against me and I moan openly, hooking my legs around his hips.

 **“** Fuck. _Agh_ , fine. I’ll miss this too,” I admit, raking my nails on his back.

He kisses me deeply and I can’t help but feel like a teenager again. After a while of grinding, I have to stop him. My face is flushed red and I pant down his neck. “I’d love to continue this little session but don’t you have to get going soon?”

He sighs, trying to catch his breath too. “Yeah, I do. Just one more minute,” he requests.

I put my hand on his cheek and look into his eyes. There are a few wrinkles on the corner of them now but the warmth I saw the night we met is still there. “God, I love you.”

He gleams at me and kisses my forehead. “I love you too.” He rubs his hands up and down my thighs. “And when I get back, we’re going to finish what we started here,” he suggests with a little eyebrow waggle. I can’t help but blush and laugh at that.

He helps me off the counter and we go back into the bedroom. Alex grabs his duffle bag from the bed and we head downstairs. “Amanda, come say goodbye to Dad!” I shout.

“Be down in a sec!”

“Call me when you get to your hotel, okay?” I instruct, fixing the collar of his shirt.

“Alright, alright,” he assures as he opens the door.

Amanda comes barreling down the stairs. “Hold up, Daddy-O! I got something for you!” She meets us at the doorway holding up a Polaroid picture. “Here!” She hands it to Alex: it’s a picture of Amanda and me at the park. “It’s so you don’t get lonely on your trip! ‘Cause you know, Pops and I are awesome, even in picture form!”

“That you are. Thank you, Panda.” He kisses the top of her head and tucks the picture in the pocket of his shirt. “Alright, you guys. Time to head out.” He gives me a soft kiss. “I love you both.”

We walk him out to the car and we wave as he starts driving out of the parking lot. “Bye Daddy-O! See you on Monday!” He waves out the car window and we watch him drive away. We go back inside and Amanda turns to me. “Soooo, Pops. I’m guessing we’re ordering pizza tonight?”

“What do you mean by that? I can make us dinner,” I assert.

“Yeah, buuut… to be fair, Dad is the one who can really cook.”

I grab my chest dramatically. “Ouch, Panda. I’m hurt. You’ve hurt your father… But you’re right, we should probably reduce potential fire hazards.”

“Alright!” she cheers.

-

Amanda and I are splayed on the couch, half a pizza left on the coffee table. We’ve been binge-watching episodes of a show called _Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers_. “Come on, Flynt! It’s called an emergency brake for a reason,” Amanda berates. The episode dramatically ends as Callum and Flynt hang precariously off the edge of an icy precipice. A true cliffhanger.

I look at the clock and realize that it is almost 10 o’clock at night. “Alright, Amanda, time for you to go to bed. We’ll pick up our marathon tomorrow.”

Amanda stretches, getting off the couch, “Fine. What about you, Pops? Are you going to bed?”

“I’m going to wait up a bit until your dad calls.”

She nods her head in acknowledgement. “’Night, Pops,” she says and heads upstairs.

Once she’s gone I shoot Alex a quick text. “Hey, babe, hope you’re having fun. Give me a call when you can.”

Thirty minutes pass. No answer. That’s fine. He’s probably heading to the hotel. The event was supposed to run late into the evening.

Thirty more minutes. Still nothing. I decide to give him a call. I get sent to voicemail, “Hey, this is Alex. Can’t talk right now. Leave a message.”

“Hey, honey, how’s it going? Just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Call me back.”

I put my phone down on the coffee table. I shouldn’t be too worried. He’s had a long day and probably won’t get back to me until tomorrow… Slowly my eyes start to droop and I let myself fall asleep.

I’m jolted awake by the sound of my phone vibrating. The clock on the cable box displays 1:36 AM. I lazily grab my phone and answer the call. “Hi, babe. Took you long enough,” I chuckle lightly, rubbing my face.

“Hello?” responds an unfamiliar voice.

“Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“It’s fine, sir. Am I speaking with Isaac Connors?”

“Yes, this is he,” I yawn.

“Sorry to have to call you at this time. I’m calling on behalf of Alex Connors… You’re listed as his emergency contact.”

Emergency…“Yes, he’s my husband. Did…did something happen?”

“I’m sorry to inform you that your husband had a car accident. He’s in the intensive care unit of our hospital.”

My blood runs cold. “Is he alright?” I ask in a panicked tone.

“He’s in critical condition right now. It would be best if you come as soon as possible,” she advises.

My body starts to shake. “O-okay. I’ll be right there.”

The secretary gives me the location of the hospital… It’s an hour away from here. I hang up and go grab my keys before I remember… Amanda.

I call our next door neighbor and tell her about the situation. She understands and tells me to bring Amanda over. My body feels like it’s on autopilot as I make my way upstairs. I enter the room and my heart breaks at the fact that I have to wake her up with this news. “Amanda,” I call out calmly, pushing down my own fears. “Amanda, wake up.”

“Hmm, hey, Pops. What’s up?” she asks sleepily.

“Amanda, you have to get up. I’m taking you to the Bishops’ house.”

She gives me a look of confusion, rubbing the drowsiness from her eye. “Why?”

I try my best to stay calm. “Your dad had an accident. I have to go to the hospital,” I explain.

“What?” she gasps. “What happened? Is he okay? How is he—“

“Hey, hey, calm down,” I try. “He’s fine. He’s in good hands,” I tell her but deep down… I think I’m trying to convince myself. “Now get your shoes.”

“I wanna go with you!”

“Manda, please, you have to stay here—“

“No! I wanna see that he’s okay—“

“Amanda!” I scold and she flinches. I take a deep breath and take her by the hands. “Amanda, please… I need you to stay here. I need you to brave for me, okay?”

I see tears forming in her eyes but she relents. “Okay, Pops…”

We’re both silent on our way to the Bishops… I give her a hug before I head out

-

The drive to the hospital is a blur. Just a series of lights contrasted by the dark of the night… The wait inside is just as bad… There is a deafening silence during this late hour… The only thing I can focus on is the smell of alcohol and disinfectant that permeates the air in the room.

“Isaac Connors,” calls out a nurse. “Will you come with me?”

I sigh in relief, thinking that I’m gonna see Alex. He’s gonna be banged up and bruised… but eventually, he’ll be fine… He’ll give me that smile of his and once he’s better we’ll get to go home to Amanda. Everything will be okay.

Instead… the nurse takes me to a separate room and motions to one of the seats. “The doctor will be with you in just a moment.” Great… Another wait.

When the doctor comes in and I basically jump from my seat. “Doctor! How is everything? Can I go see my husband?”

“Mr. Connors… You might want to sit back down.”

My stomach drops. I slowly sit back down and he takes the seat next to me. “Is he… is he okay?” The words barely come out of my dry throat.

“Mr. Connors… Your husband’s injuries were too extensive… We tried everything to resuscitate him but… he didn’t make it… I’m sorry.”

_He didn’t make it?_

The weight of those words doesn’t hit me immediately… They’re just too painful for them to be real… Because _how_ can they be true… How can a weekend without Alex turn into the rest of my life? How can the light that was there this morning just burn out? How can an entire lifetime together be erased in one single moment?

Then… it all comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. My body starts shaking violently and I can’t stop the tears from flowing… My heart feels like it’s being ripped at the seams and everything just… _hurts_.

“No, no, no. He’ c-can’t be gone… He can’t!” I bawl.

So that’s it… No last words like in the movies... No more lazy Sunday morning cuddles… No more date nights… No more dimpled smiles…

Even worse… How am I supposed to tell Amanda her dad isn’t coming home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI I cried writing this TT_TT


	18. May Angels Lead You In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Alex's funeral arrives, along with an unexpected guest

You never really know how much works goes into a funeral until you have to plan one yourself. You don’t really think about choosing a casket or the plot of land in the graveyard or the black dress your daughter has to wear.

Yet… here I am standing next to my thirteen-year-old daughter watching her father’s body being lowered to the ground. It’s like time has been compressed these last few weeks… Almost like I’ve been watching the trailer leading up to this exact moment, not knowing exactly how I got here.

Friends and family showed up to give their condolences. People all wishing we were seeing each other in better circumstances.

Lana is here. Her hair is greyed and her skin is wrinkled, but I recognized her immediately since she still sported her signature red lipstick and horn-rimmed glasses. Her spirit hasn’t changed despite the bleak circumstances. Alex never lost contact with her but we never got the chance to go back to the Iris Blue Gallery. She was overjoyed when she officially met Amanda, probably because she could see so much of Alex in her. Lana even brought her a little panda pin. That got Amanda to smile a little today…

Nathan even flew from Colorado to be here… Alex’s death has been hard for him too. He knew Alex even longer than I knew him. He was his best man and best friend. A month before the accident, he had told Alex that he and his wife were expecting their first son… They wanted us to come visit.

Craig got the news but couldn’t make it. I don’t hold it against him though. He has his own life back in California but I was grateful that after all this time he messaged me to see if I was alright…

So many lives touched by him… I can only hope with all my heart that he knew that.

Among the familiar faces, there’s a man I don’t recognize idling in the distant. Even when the funeral wraps up and people start trickling out he stays where he’s at. “Um, Amanda… Can you go with Grandma and Grandpa for a sec? I gotta go talk to someone”

She nods her head, a little reluctant to let go of my hand. I watch her go to my Mom and wrapping her in a hug.

I tread towards the stranger and he starts turning away. I pick up my pace to catch up to him. “Excuse me?” The man halts. His back is turned to me but I can see he has a dark complexion and salt and pepper hair. “Um, do I know you?”

There’s a pause. “No,” he answers with a gravelly voice.

“You must’ve known Alex then,” I assume.

“…I didn’t really ‘know’ him. The Alex I knew was a scared little boy… I never got to know the man he became…”

“Who are you, exactly?” I question suspiciously.

He turns around. “I’m no one really… but for clarity’s sake, I guess you I can say I’m his ‘father.’” A pit forms in my stomach... I realize the eerie similarities between him and Alex. He has the same jawline and eye color as him… but there’s no warmth there. Just utter coldness. There is no smile either. Only a scowl. “And you are?” He asks me.

“His husband,” I answer cautiously.

“Hmm, figures he never grew out of _that_ ,” he hums, a bit too cynically for my taste.

My confusion shifts to a low burning anger as I remember what this man did to Alex. “Why are you even here? You have no right to be here after all you put him through,” I spit.

His face remains neutral. “…I know that.” He sighs, “When I heard his Ma died, I didn’t even consider stepping anywhere near here. I knew Alex wouldn’t have it either… But when an old family friend told me the news that he’d gone too… I thought it would be my last chance to _something_ right by that boy… Say goodbye and all.”

“I little late for that,” I think bitterly, pursing my lips. “Well, you got what you came here for. I think it’s best that you leave now,” I demand as calmly as I can.

He nods in agreement. He turns away but before leaving, he asks abruptly, “The little girl… She yours and Alex’s?”

“…Yes,” I reply curtly.

“…Maybe I didn’t get to know him, but I know one thing’s for sure… I don’t think he left with any regrets. He made his own life… his own family… He became a better man than me,” he concludes.

With that, he leaves without another word…

I make my way back to Amanda who’s sat between my Mom and Dad. “Who were you talking to, Dad?”

I pat her head. “Not too sure, Panda. Said he was an old family friend.”

She eyes me a bit but accepts my answer.

“Isaac, can I, uh, talk to you for a sec?” my dad requests.

“Um, sure thing…” He and I step aside for a second so that we can speak alone. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to see how you were holding up with everything?”

I quirk my eyebrow at him. Well, this is new. I huff, “Do you want my default answer or the truth?”

“Preferably, the truth…”

“…Mostly numb right now… I can’t afford to feel anything else but that right now for Amanda’s sake…” That is my truth… It feels like my body and soul are hanging on by a single thread. If I think about it too much I might just get torn apart.

“I’m sorry, son, that all of this happened to you…” He pushes his glasses up on his face. “I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling… You and Alex worked hard to build a family and... I think you’ve done a great job at raising Amanda,” he compliments. We watch Amanda showing off her new pin to her grandma.

I’m stunned, to say the least. “Thanks, Dad…”

He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Just know you’re not alone, Isaac. Anna and I are only a phone call if you ever need to talk…”

I feel tears prickle at my eyes but I choke it down. “Thank you… That means a lot.” I pull him into a hug and, surprisingly, he reciprocates it.

Despite everything… despite how cold he was to me my whole life at least he’s trying... He may not be the best dad but at least he never hurt me like Alex’s dad… He’s been there for my mom and gets to have a relationship with Amanda… He won’t have to live with that regret like _him_.

I let go of him, trying to keep myself in check emotionally. “I should, uh, probably get Amanda back you home.”

He agrees and we go back to them. “Time to go, Panda. Say goodbye.”

She nods. “Bye, Nana. Bye, Paps,” she says giving them each a hug.

“Bye, _Osita_. I love you.”

Before I leave, Mom gives me one last hug. She whispers, “Stay strong, _mijito_ … I believe in you.”

“Thanks…” We give them one last wave before heading back to the car.

Once we’re in the car, Amanda pipes up, “So… you gonna tell me who you really were talking too, Pops. You looked upset after you were done.”

I sigh, “Nothing gets by you does it.”

“Not really. Daddy-O, always said you were an awful liar,” she quips.

I huff out a laugh. “Very true…” I sigh, “That man was Alex’s dad… your other grandfather. He and Alex had a bad past together so I didn’t think he should be there… He didn’t earn that right.”

Amanda stays silent. “…That sucks,” she finally determines.

“Yeah, yeah it does…” I turn the ignition.

We don’t say much on our drive back… Probably because we both know we’re going back to that unfamiliar vacancy... We know there will be no cheery greeting waiting for us.

All we can do now is find comfort in each other until the pain dulls.


	19. The Kindness of Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac has a particularly bad day that culminates to his lowest point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Description of a panic attack

_2013_

As I lay asleep on my bed, I feel warm lips press against my cheek. “Hey, babe…” someone whispers.

My eyes flutter open and I’m greeted by a pair of amber eyes. “Alex…?”

He smiles at me sweetly and strokes my cheek lightly. “Hey… Sorry, I’m late,” he apologizes.

I start tearing up and I bury my face into his chest. “You don’t have to apologize. You’re here now… that’s all that matters,” I sniffle.

He rubs my back, as he hushes, “It’s okay. It’s okay… Do you have a song preference tonight?”

I wipe my eyes and giggle, “Dealer’s choice.”

“Alright.” He starts to hum, “When the rain is blowing in your face and the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love. When the evening shadows and the stars appear. And there is no one there to dry your tears. Oh, I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love. I know you haven't made your mind up yet but I will never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met. No doubt in my mind where you belong…”

His words start to sound distant... a mere echo of what his voice actually is like… Then the image starts to melt away, like wax on a candlestick. The colors dwindling into darkness…

Then, I’m alone again… My eyes rapidly scanning my surroundings. My heart racing in my chest… I sit up and I realize I’m in my bedroom… It was all a dream.

“Shit,” I exhale. I pull my legs to my chest trying to calm down. I breathe in through my nose and out of my mouth. My heart rate steadies again and I push my hair back. I look out the window and it’s still light out. I remember I had decided to take a nap after I dropped Amanda off at (one of the) Emma’s house for the day.

Fuck. She’s only been gone for a couple hours and I’m falling apart again… I thought it would be good for her to get out of the house a bit considering next week it’ll be a year since Alex died. And I thought I could handle this time too… obviously not.

I need to leave. I can’t let myself suffocate in this house but I don’t have anywhere to run to. Except…

I crawl out of bed sluggishly, my body moving at its own volition down the stairs. I grab my car keys from the hook and make my way out the door.

-

I kneel down on the moist grass, not caring if my jeans get stained or not. I trace my finger along the edge of the grave ledger. “Hi, Alex… I know I was supposed to come with Amanda next week but… I guess I couldn’t wait… It’s been a bad day again and I just… miss you so much,” I croak, rubbing away the tears threatening to spill out. “I dreamed about you again... It was so real, I-I thought you had come back to me but… you’re still here and there’s nothing I can do to change that,” I sniff. “I’ve been trying… trying to just remember all the good times but… instead, I think of the things we _didn’t_ get to do together… We never got to take that trip to Europe like you always wanted. Never got to adopt a dog… or another baby for that matter… So, many things I thought we would have time to do,” I hitch, clutching at the grass. I lay down, curling closer to the plaque. “Just… keep me company for a bit. Just for a bit…”

I stay there motionless for a while, breathing in the earthiness of the grass and soil. The shadows of trees nearby shift and the sky starts turning a pale orange as the sun starts to dip below the horizon. I run my fingers over the engraved letters of his name. “I have to get going… Amanda will be back later tonight so I have to be there before then.” I pick myself and dust off some blades of grass. “See you soon…”

-

On the way back, the night air swishes through my open window, ruffling my hair. There’s no car in sight and, the radio is humming softly and for a moment I feel calm… Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long.

A familiar tune fills the car and burrows itself deep in my ears _. Here come old flat-top. He come grooving up slowly. He got ju-ju eyeballs. He's one holy roller. He got hair down to his knees. Got to be a joker, he just do what he please…_

My body tenses and I feel everything inside of me go numb. My vision starts to tunnel and everything around me feels surreal. I’m pretty sure my breathing is getting heavier but the only thing I can focus on is that _fucking_ song.

In my panic, I cross the intersection without realizing a truck is crossing too. I jerk on the wheel in time to swerve out of the way but I still end up veering into the curb. I slam on the brake, my seatbelt preventing me from completely lurching forward.

As quickly as everything happens, my surroundings still. I look at my trembling hands, gripping the steering wheel like a vice. I’m okay… I’m okay… but… is this how Alex felt before he…

I’m overcome by a wave of grief and a sob escapes my quivering lips… This is too much… It’s just too fucking much. I bury my face in the steering wheel, tears and snot dripping down my face as I violently cry. “A-Alex, please… Please! I need you… I can’t… I _can’t_ do this without you…” It’s like every thought I’ve been trying to avoid, every emotion I was trying to suppress… just plowed into me like a freight train.

“Hey, bud… You okay in there?” a deep voice asks from outside my window.

I try to compose myself enough to answer but all I can do is choke out, “I-I’m fine.” I bury myself deeper into my arms so that they can’t see my face streaked with tears.

“You sure? We nearly crashed back there.”

Oh… It’s the driver of the truck. “Y-yeah, I’m good. Just… just got spooked is all…” My words turn into snivels as more tears well in my eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” is all I manage to wail out, my shoulders shuddering up and down.

“Woah, woah! Hey, it’s all good, man. I’m not mad or anything,” he explains reassuringly.

However, I continue bawling my eyes out. Jesus Christ, I’m having a full blown panic attack in front of a complete stranger. Can I go any lower from here?”

“You were calling out to someone… Do… Do you need me to call them?” he asks a little frazzled on what to do.

I shake my head at his suggestion. “N-no… he’s gone so… there’s no point.” He’s gone through no fault of his own and he took a part of me with him… A part I don’t think I’ll ever get back.

I feel a slight tap on my shoulder, making me jolt a bit. “Sorry… Here.”

I glance over and although my vision is a little blurred, I see a hand offering me a red bandana. I reach out, warily taking it from him. “Thank you,” I hiccup.

“Don’t mention it.”

As I dry my face with the piece of fabric, I catch a subtle whiff of cigarette smoke infused in it. I can’t help but whimper at that…

From my periphery, I can see the guy leaning against my car with his back towards me. Probably to give me my privacy, so I take the time to calm down. My uneven breath finally starts to steady and I stop crying but I think it’s mostly because I’ve spent all my tears.

“You good in there?”

“Better,” I sniff. I sigh deeply, my body overcome with exhaustion. “Just…just tired now.”

The man stays silent for a bit, before asking, “So… you lost someone?”

“Yeah… My husband,” I answer tiredly. “A year ago next week… Everyone told me that it would get easier as time went by but… it hasn’t. If anything…it’s gotten harder… Because everyday things start to fade more and more… The warmth on his side of the bed… The scent of his cologne… It’s all disappearing… And I’ve been trying to so hard to be strong for our daughter but today…it just got to me.” I’m not sure why I’m unloading to this person who I don’t even know but… it’s nice to finally say these things out loud.

I hear him exhale. “I get that… At least... you have something of his that won’t disappear… Your kid… She’ll be there to remind you that you did things right… Some of us aren’t so lucky.”

I take in what he’s telling me… It’s true. Amanda has so much of her father… The way her nose crinkles when she laughs. The way she nibbles her lower lip and sticks her tongue out slightly while she works… They’re all things she picked up from him, along with so many things.

“Or maybe, I don’t know a damn thing and should mind my business,” he contemplates.

“N-no, not at all… I needed to hear that from someone. So thank you…”

He shrugs a bit. “Sure thing…”

“Um, I would offer you this back but I’m not sure you would want it covered in snot.”

He chuckles slightly. “Keep it, buddy. I won’t miss it… You okay to go back home?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I am... What about you?”

“Hmm, I’m just a drifter, floatin’ from town to town trying to escape my past,” he explains.

“Oh… seems lonely,” I comment.

“Heh, that it is… Well, it’s time to hit the road again. Good luck with everything, kid.”

“Alright… Thanks again.”

He starts walking away but before he disappears completely, I call out, “Wait!” From where I am, I can see his dark silhouette come to a halt. “I— Um… I hope things turn out for you too…”

He grunts a bit. “Wishful thinking… but thanks.” Just like that… he’s gone. Part of me wonders if maybe I imagined that whole interaction. However, the bandana I’m clutching onto is proof that it did…

I turn my car back on and despite the fact that I’m still parked on the pavement, I feel like a weight has lifted.

-

As I sit on the couch, doing a word search, I hear the door open. “Pops, I’m home!”

“Hey, Panda, in here!” Amanda comes in with a few shopping bags in hand. “How was your day?”

“It was fun. Got some cool stuff from the mall with the Emmas. Ate some artificial cheese covered nachos. Stole the security guard’s Segway. The usual.” She plops down next to me. “How was your day?”

I set my word search down. “It was…” I huff, “It was pretty rough… I’m not gonna lie.”

Amanda’s eyebrows furrow slightly. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone,” she murmurs.

I wrap my arm around her. “Hey, that’s not it. You shouldn’t stop living your life because of me. Today was just a bad day for me… There’ll probably a more to come but that doesn’t mean I won’t get through them… Cause no matter what I'll have you. Whether your here or miles away, I'll have you to remind me everything is okay.”

Amanda cuddles closer to me. “Okay, Pops… As long as you’re happy, I’ll be happy too.”

I kiss the top of her head. “Team Connors?”

She smiles back at me. “Team Connors.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The idea for this chapter was originally gonna be for a one-shot that I was gonna write but decided to integrate it into this story. I know it's not exactly "canon" but oh well ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	20. Letting Go is Never Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac has to make a choice about his future

_2016_

As I’m in the kitchen, making a snack, I hear the mail being pushed into the slot. I go and grab the pile to sift through my coupons… Oh, God, I’m getting old.

15% Off of McFridayz… Gross. Buy one get one free on windshield wipers for Phil’s Autocare. Hmm, that might come in handy. Free Consultation for Harding’s Construction. Why pay someone when you can do it yourself? McGowan… McGowan College of Art and Design brochure… This is for Amanda. Holy shit. She’s going to be a senior in a few months. Of course, she’d be looking into colleges already.

Where did the time go? It feels like yesterday, she was learning to ride her bike… Now she’s gonna be leaving for college sooner than I thought.

I sit down at the breakfast bar, to assimilate this… Things have been better. I don’t think they’ll ever be as good as when Alex was around but they’ve been good. Amanda and I have learned to cook for each other (with only minor fire incidents). We’ve also made it our thing to watch _Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers_ on the weekends. So yeah, it’s the little things that have lessened the pain. But now… I’m gonna have to accept that she’s not gonna be here forever. She’s gonna make her own life and as long as she’s happy, I can deal with that but… I can’t help but wonder what it’ll be like to be alone here. Will I be haunted by all the memories we made here… good and bad?

-

It takes me a while to get out of the car. As soon as I step out, I’m greeted with a soft sea breeze. I look out into the water and see a few boats sailing by. It’s been a while since I’ve been to the seaside. Last time we went together was when Amanda was twelve. We had rented a few boogie boards and spent the whole day in the water. I remember getting a sunburn suspiciously shaped like a smiley face where Alex “forgot” to put sunblock on. Joke was on him though, I rocked my faux tattoo that entire summer.

I walk along the shops and restaurants until I reach the marina where rows of fishing boats and yachts are docked. I sit down at the edge of the pier, my feet hanging above the water. As I observe my surroundings, I can’t help but feel nostalgic… This place has always been so special. I had seen its beauty through Alex’s eye even before I came here, then it marked a new chapter in our lives…

I’m drawn away from my thoughts by the sound of something bouncing on the wooden planks. Then I feel something tap my thigh. I look down to find a blue and red striped beach ball sitting next to me. I pick it up and look around to find out where it came from.

“Wait, Daddy! We can’t leave yet! We have to get our ball back,” whines a little boy. I get up to follow the commotion until I come across a yacht.

“Sorry, champ, I already pulled up the anchor,” responds their father.

This time there’s a little girls voice complaining, “Awe, pleeassseee! Mommy, can you help us go get it?”

“Guys, Mommy is cooking your new baby brother. We’ll get you a new one when we get back,” tiredly responds their mother.

As they continue to cry over there lost possession, I yell, “Heads up!” and toss the ball over the railing of the bow.

“Lawrence of Arabia!” …Like the movie?

I hear the kids cheering. “Thanks, mister!” they respond in tandem.

“No problem,” I call out. I stuff my hands into my jacket pocket and turn to leave the pier. Instead of going back to my car, I decide to take a walk around the neighborhood.

There’s a few shops around and a park. As I walk further down the sidewalk, I enter a cul-de-sac and… it’s nice. It’s pretty silent since it’s kinda far from the main road. The yards are well tended and one house, in particular, looks like a fucking mansion. But what really catches my attention is the For Sale sign in the front yard of one of the houses. Maybe… this is a sign. From the universe I mean, not from the real estate agency. I pull out my phone and take a quick pic of the phone number.

-

“Bon appétit, child of mine,” I present as I pass her a plate of spaghetti.

“Looks great, Dadtron,” she praises. “Hey, you even managed not to burn the garlic bread!”

“Mhm, Mario Batali got nothing on me,” I jokingly boast.

I sit down to eat my meal, but I only manage to get a few bites in. I set my fork down. “Hey, Manda… Can I talk to you about something?”

“I swear that window was broken before I got there,” she defends quickly.

“No, what? I wasn’t going to ask about that.”

“Oh, then forget I said anything!” She slurps up some noodles.

“Right… Um, I saw you got a brochure for college and that got me thinking. Maybe it’s time for a change?”

She quirks her eyebrow at me. “Like what?”

“I was walking around downtown today and I found a really nice neighborhood there. I was thinking we should consider moving…” I finally propose.

“Huh?” she exclaims. “But, Dad, why would you want to move away from here? I’ve lived here my whole life!”

“I know, I know, Panda. I love this place too… Your Dad and I, we worked hard to give you the best home we could. But…once you go off to college. It’s just gonna be me here and I don’t want to dwell in all the old memories. I want a fresh start… Still, this is a decision we have to make together so if you’re not comfortable, I’ll understand.”

Amanda pauses before reaching to hold my hand. “Dad… I want you to be happy. And if that means moving then so be it… Because you’ve sacrificed so much to give the life I have, I want to make sure you’re okay when it’s time for me to leave for college. Yeah, it’ll suck letting this place go but… a fresh start might be good for both of us.”

My eyes start watering a bit. When did my little girl start to become so mature? “Thank you, Panda, for understanding…”

“Anything for you, Pops… Besides, maybe you won’t have to be alone. Maybe it’s time to jump into the dating game?”

I chuckle at that. “Panda, I just turned forty. I think my dating days are done.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “So what? You still look young for your age. Besides Keanu Reeves in his 50s and he still looks ho— I mean like a respectable gentleman!”

“Nice save. How about we take things one step at a time?”

“Deal,” she agrees.

Dating… It’s a nice notion but I don’t think I would even consider that yet. ‘Cause despite the fact that I have accepted Alex’s death, my heart still feels vulnerable and raw. So, for now, I’ll just focus on continuing my healing process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so this story is coming to end! However, it might be a couple weeks until the last two chapters are up because I'm gonna be on vacation (woohoo!). So don't freak if there is a sudden halt in uploads.


	21. It's a Nice Day to Start Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving day has arrived for the Connors Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly dialogue from the beginning of the game but I changed the narration a bit to fit Isaac more.

_2017_

It’s almost midnight and I’m still packing up few knick-knacks that were lying around the house. Amanda already went to bed (well more like to her sleeping bag) so I decided to stay up so we can leave early tomorrow. I rub the tiredness out of my eyes and I look around at the progress I made… So many objects just stored away now, waiting for a new start.  As I reach into my last pile of notebooks, I find one that doesn’t belong to me. I further examine the yellow notebook and realize that it’s one of Alex’s…

I’m a little surprised to say the least, that one got left behind considering I had put away most of his work in a storage unit. Lana insisted on buying some pieces but I gave them to her, no charge, and the rest I donated to the art museum.

I open up the partially frayed notebook to reveal beige paper smudged and scribbled with grey graphite. As I flip through the pages, my eyes meet some familiar images: deer, café… me… This is the sketchbook Alex had that day in the wood... I run my finger over Alex’s small signature in the corner of the page. I’ve avoided looking at his art for so long… it’s nice to be able to appreciate it again.

With a bit of a heavy heart, I close the book, debating where I should put it… Part of me wants to put in the box going to the attic but… a greater part wants to keep it nearby. I’ve stowed away so many things of his there’s a gnawing part of me that wants this last piece to stay with me.

I kiss the cover and gingerly put the book in the box labeled _Attic_ and with that, I tape the box shut… There are more things to remember Alex by…

 I let out a loud yawn, my body starting to feel the ache of being hunched over for the majority of the day. I’m so overcome with exhaustion that I rest my head on top of the box and before I know it I’m drifting off to sleep…

-

“Dad… Dad! Wake up!” Amanda calls out. As I hear this, I decide to try my old trick. I let my tongue roll out of my mouth and stop breathing. I feel Amanda shake me.

“Come on, this hasn’t worked on me since I was six.”

“I’m sorry Amanda, this is the end for me,” I reply hoarsely.

“Dad, I swear to God…” I can practically hear the eye roll.

“Amanda I bequeath to you all my earthly possessions. Spread my ashes over my recliner.”

“Okay well your corpse better get into the moving van, because it’s leaving soon,” she reminds.

That’s enough for me to drop the act and open my eyes. I stretch to get the crick out of my neck from using the box as a makeshift pillow. “Morning, Manda Panda,” I yawn.

She pinches her nose. “Yikes, Dad breath. Go brush your teeth,” she instructs with a laugh.

“Gotcha. Wouldn’t want you to pass out from my horrid halitosis.” I go upstairs to brush my teeth and change out of yesterday’s clothes. I decide to go with my white tee with a heart on my shirt pocket. Amanda says it’s simple enough for me to look sleek, yet shows I have a softer side. God, it’s like I’m picking an outfit for my first day of school… Honestly, it’s exactly like that. New surroundings. New people. I even have that familiar knot in my stomach from nerves.

Instead of working myself up, I head downstairs with my last few belongings to pack up.

“Did you fall asleep packing?” Amanda asks.

“I got most of it done, I think.” Everything seems packed and ready to go except… “Wait, straggler,” I point out.

“What’s in it?” I pull out a few dusty photo albums and show them to her. “Woah, I haven’t seen this in years.” The first picture is one of Amanda with sunglasses as a baby. “That’s the coolest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“The only way your father and I could get you to stop crying. But whenever we would try to take them off, you’d start crying again. You spent the first two years of your life with sunglasses on,” I retell.

“Nice,” she says, impressed with her past self.

We flip through the pictures together and see it’s a whole album dedicated to Amanda. There are some good moments captured like Halloween, her “Horse Phase”, her first award and even a picture with Emma R. (?). We get to the last photo. It’s the one I took at the hospital when Alex got to first hold Amanda. Neither of us says a word. We stare at the photo for a long moment.

I finally decide to break the silence. “This was the day we adopted you… It’s kinda of a funny story. The day we brought you home we got into a car accident. It wasn’t anything big, just a little fender bender. But of course, I was freaking out. The little old lady who crashed into us was freaking out. And I didn’t know what to do. But your dad, oh man… He holds my hands and looks me directly in the eyes— the calmest I’ve ever seen him, he says… ‘It’s okay. It’s all gonna be okay.’”

“…He was right you know,” Amanda concludes.

I stare at the picture for longer, taking in all of Alex’s feature… I miss him… I can’t even imagine what it must be like for Amanda.

She pats me on the back. “C’mon, Pops, we gotta finish packing. The moving van won’t wait forever.”

“You’re right.” I tuck the picture back in the album, sealing those last memories away.

Amanda and I pile into the car and take one last look at the old house. “So many memories here. Hard to believe your father and I bought this place almost 20 years ago…”

“Hey, remember when I shattered the window playing catch?”

“You always had strong arms.”

“Hey remember when I shattered the window pretending to be a robot who smashed windows.”

“You were a very imaginative child.”

“Hey remember when I broke the back window pl—“

“We get it, Amanda. You break stuff,” I chuckle.

“And there’ll be plenty of stuff for me to break in the new place!” she cheers.

“Memories to make and stuff to break.”

 Amanda looks back at the house and then at me. “You ready?”

We sit in silence for a moment. I watched Amanda grow up in this house. It will forever hold a place in my heart, but it stings a little bit leaving behind… “I’m ready.” The moving van begins to pull away and I get the car in position to follow it. I watch our house—our old house— disappear in the rearview mirror.

-

After a long day of unpacking and touring around the neighborhood, I grab my jacket to go watch The Game since the Emma’s are coming over soon. Overall, it was good day; got my coffee, went to the park, met my next door neighbor and I even ran into Craig today! It was actually pretty nice to see a familiar face around here. It might make adjusting a lot easier.

As I walk around outside, I realize I have no idea where I’m going so I pick a direction and go with it. As I walk down the sidewalk I see a flickering neon light in the distance. Jim and Kim’s…? It’ll have to do if I wanna catch The Game. I walk into the dimly lit bar, silently judging the somewhat tacky décor. I approach the bartender (that’s possibly Jim or Kim) and take a seat.

“What’ll it be?” The bartender asks, nonchalantly wiping a beer mug.

“One beer, please?”

“Sure thing, boss.” He slides me my beer and I sip it slowly. Huh, it’s been a while since I’ve been out by myself in a while. “Say, are you Jim or Kim?”

Almost on cue, he responds, “I’m Neil.”

“Oh.” Whoops. I turn my attention to the TV instead and see that my team is actually playing and in the lead. There are people attentively watching the screen, wearing the colors of their respective team. Despite the competitive nature of The Game, everyone is pretty civil.

I feel someone bump my elbow as they sit down uncomfortably close to me. I turn to see a middle-aged women holding a half-empty wine glass, cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol. “Hey, sailor,” she flirtatiously greets.

I shift in my ridiculously small bar stool. “Oh, hello.”

“Good to see fresh meat in here. I’m Mary. Come here often?” She asks, circling the rim of her glass.

“Oh no, I actually moved to this part of town today. I’m Isaac, by the way.”

Mary hums, “Are you watching the game?”

“Yeah! My preferred team is in the lead. If they keep this up, they’ll win The Game with ease,” I deduce.

“Oh, I love that team. And also love that Game. I love someone who knows their way around balls,” she comments a bit tipsily.

“Uh…” I have no idea how to respond to that.

“Buy a gal a drink?”

“Ahh, maybe some other time,” I answer, trying not to irritate her too much.

She rolls her eyes a bit. “Suit yourself, sailor.” She makes her leave, not forgetting to take her glass of wine with her.

I kinda let out a sigh of relief once she plops herself down next some other sap. What is it about me that attracts intoxicated women? Maybe I should grow a beard to make myself seem tougher?

I order another beer and silently curse the opposing team as they start to catch up. After they score another point, I hear someone grunt, “Go team.”

At the end a bar, I see a brooding man sipping whiskey as he watches The Game. Where have I seen him before…? Oh, right! He was at the Coffee Spoon while we were sampling Mat’s banana. He also may or may not have caught me staring at him while he was drinking his coffee. Which was a complete accident might I add. It had nothing to with his tan skin and rugged good looks. Nope.

A guy like him probably wouldn’t want to be bothered, especially while he’s trying to watch The Game. I observe him bringing the glass to his lips, eyes still fixated on the screen, watching with this alluring intensity… It wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot right?

I clear my throat before asking, “Enjoying The Game?”

His attention shifts from the TV slightly as he gives me a side-eye glance. He knocks back the rest of his drink before bluntly answering, “I am now that we’re winning.”

I laugh nervously, “Oh, we must be rooting for different teams.”

This time he actually turns his head towards me. “In my opinion, my team is far superior,” he deadpans.

Okay, this is a good sign. He’s continuing the conversation. I shrug, “I have to disagree with that. Based upon on our win/loss ratio, I’d have to say my team is superior.”

“That’s where you’re wrong since as it stands right now, my team is beating yours,” he points out with a slight smirk.

I don’t have an argument to that so we both go back to watching the game. In the end, my team prevails as I suspected it would. Still, I raise my bottle towards him, in respect. The man quirks an eyebrow at me but reciprocates the motion. I see him signal to Neil and he slides me a newly poured glass of whiskey. “The name’s Robert,” he introduces.

“Thanks, I’m Isaac.”

“You must be new here. Mary already hit on you?”

“Yeah,” I huff and Robert chuckles at that… He has a nice laugh.

“She’s a peach. Well, you picked the best bar in town. As slimy as it is, you’ll never find a spot better than Jim and Kim’s,” he assures.

“Is there actually a Jim or Kim that runs the place?”

“No, that’d be Neil.” I wonder if I’ll ever know the meaning behind the name one day? “Good guy, Neil. Not enough Neils in the world.”

Well, that was oddly cryptic. “O…kay.”

“You a whiskey fella or beer a fella?”

I hum, “Beer, but I’ll drink most things.”

“You like shots?”

“I like shots,” I respond honestly.

With that Robert motions to Neil, who serves us two shots and he hands one to me. “Here’s to your health,” he toasts.

Oh boy, when was the last time I had a shot? Without overthinking it, I pour the amber liquid into my mouth, feeling it burn all the way down. A few more shots in and I can feel the warmth inside me spreading followed by a euphoric giddiness. This is fun and well… it’s nice having Robert as company. Wait, I think this what making friends is like. Amanda will be proud of her old man! Okay, Isaac, be cool. You’ve got a chance of forming an actual human relationship here. Let’s see how can I play my cards right? I watch him take another shot, taking note of his chiseled jaw and the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows… “Your face… is…good,” I compliment, a slight blush covering my cheeks. Nailed it.

Robert stares back at me, a small smile forming on his lip, “…thanks?”

He…liked that? Wow, I still have some knowledge of what flirting is. Man, this guy is so cool and mysterious and well… kinda out of my league… Then again I thought the same thing about Alex…

Maybe I should give myself more credit…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the longish wait but we're almost to the finish line! The last chapter will be the epilogue and that's a wrap for this story :O


	22. Through Pain, We Can Find Something Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into Isaac's new life

_2020_

I'm awoken abruptly by something licking my ankle. "Betsy, hey, leave him be."

I lift my head and realize that I fell asleep on top of my laptop. Then I see little Betsy scuttle away to her doggy bed on the opposite side of the room. A pair of lips meet my nape and Robert's scruff tickles the skin which makes me giggle. "Hey," I greet, reaching behind me to weave my fingers through his hair.

"Hey. Sorry, I was gonna wake you but Betsy got ahead of me."

"It's fine, I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep," I explain, popping the ache in my back. 

Robert spins my office chair around so I'm facing him. He scruffs my head with a small smile. "You've been working a lot lately, Ice. Come on, let’s go upstairs. You're gonna get a hunchback if you keep falling asleep down here."

"Is that all your worried about? Here I thought you just wanted someone to cuddle with, Small," I smirk.

"You've been with me for two years now, buddy. You're never gonna get me to ask directly."

I laugh and cup his face letting our foreheads bump. "Fine, fine. I'll be right up, just give me ten more minutes. I was about to wrap up anyways before I fell asleep."

"Alright. See you upstairs then." He lifts my chin and plants a soft kiss on my smiling lips. "Ten minutes or else I can't guarantee that'll be awake by the time you get there," he warns as he makes his way up the stairs. 

As soon as Robert leaves, I open up my laptop and resume where I had left off:

_It's taken me a while to finish this story. To put together all our memories in one single document instead of the crinkled pages of my journals. Even now I'm sure I'm missing a few moments out of so many that we shared together. However, that's not what matters. What matters is that these words will live on... and now that I know that they'll be safe... I can let go._

_I think I wrote this— even if nobody else reads it— as my final goodbye. A goodbye to the boy with freckled cheeks and golden eyes I met that autumn night. A goodbye to the man who I built a family with. A goodbye to the first love of my life... Not only to say goodbye though, but to say thank you as well..._

_Thank you, Alex... Thank you for giving me your love and most importantly… for teaching to love without fear... Thank you...for reminding that everything will be okay. I fell in love again but you will always be with me…_

_\- Love always and forever, Isaac_

I save the file and with a bittersweet heart, I close the tab…

Upstairs, I see Robert reclined back on his pillow with an arm tucked behind his head as he browses through Netflix. I can’t help but admire how far he’s come… how far _we’ve_ come. The first time I was in his room, it was cluttered with dirty clothes, bottles of whiskey and cans of beer. Not to mention the fact that he had his tongue in my mouth and was in the process of taking my belt off. Even though I didn’t sleep with him that night, I thought I had burned that bridge with him but… I didn’t. Now he’s here with me in a clean room, eighteen months sober and counting and… I’m so proud of him.

“You’re staring,” he informs me, putting the remote down.

I smile at him impishly. “Can you blame me when you’re spread out like a Greek god?”

He cackles at that. “C’mere,” he instructs.

I do as I’m told and hop on the bed, cuddling next to him. I lay my head on his shoulder and caress my hand on his chest down his happy trail. As Robert rubs circles on my shoulder, he tells me, “Val texted me. She said she and Tessa are gonna be able to make it for Christmas.”

“That’s great! Amanda will definitely be happy to see them again.”

“Yep, the gang is gonna be all here.” He kisses the top of my head. I pause my stroking before taking a deep breath. “Uh, oh. I know that sigh. What’s on your mind, Isaac?”

“Dammit, you know me too well… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure thing…”

I twirl a tuft of his chest hair with my finger. Time to rip off the Band-Aid. “Robert… will you marry me?”

His hand stills on my shoulder. I look up to look at him to see his wide-eyes staring back at me. “Uh, can you run that question by me again?”

I emphasize, “Will you, Robert Small, marry me, Isaac Connors?”

“That’s… wow…”

Oh no, maybe this was a bad idea. I turn away from his stunned expression. “I-I know that’s a lot to spring on you randomly. It’s fucking midnight and I don’t even have a ring or anything but… I’ve been thinking a lot about this. And I know more than anything… I wanna be with you for the rest of my life because… I love you. I love you so much…” I sigh. “You— you don’t have to answer me now. Just think about it—“

I’m cut off by Robert flipping me over, so that I’m under him now. I don’t even have time to yelp in surprise before his lips are passionately enveloping mine. I breathlessly moan between his kisses, his beard scratching my cheek and chin.

Robert pulls away, leaving us both panting. He breathes, “Ice, shut up. Of course, I wanna marry your ass.”

My heart skips a beat. “O-oh. I thought… I thought I scared you off.”

“Pfft, not even the Dover Ghost could scare me. You just caught me off guard that’s all…”

“Right… So, you really want to marry me?” I ask cautiously.

I gaze into his dark eyes as he grins back at me. “Yes, I really do.” He nuzzles into my neck. “Isaac… I love you... You’ve given me so much strength these past years... You convinced me to build my relationship with Val. You waited for me until I got back on my feet… You gave me your love when I thought I didn’t deserve it from anyone... So, yeah, I’m gonna marry you.”

“Robert,” I sigh. I card my fingers through his peppered hair as he gives my neck light ministrations.

Life is funny… It can give you everything you wanted… and at the same time it could take it away… Then you’re left to rebuild… to pick up the broken pieces that are left…

Then you meet someone… Someone who has been broken too and… you rebuild together. You create something new and unique… A beautiful new picture…

Life is funny but at the end of the day… it’s all gonna be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end. It's sad but I'm grateful to everyone who followed me on this journey. Thank you for all the comments and kudos! I don't think I could've finished this story without all of your support. I'm not sure if I'll continue to write for this fandom. Maybe some short drabbles between Isaac and Robert but it's too soon to tell. However, I'd gladly take any requests if anyone has them, if y'all wanna leave it in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated *cough* and encouraged because they make my day *cough*


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